Another week, another week-delayed review of my comic book pulls! Just know that I TRY to get these things put up the week the comics come out but I always get stuck working or drinking and thus they’re always delayed.
But woe is me and life goes on and all that junk so let’s just get to the reviews!
Catwoman #3
We begin where we left off from last time. Catwoman is tied to a chair next to her friend Lola, who has been shot by the criminal Bone, who Catwoman has been stealing from. He lectures Catwoman on his upbringing and explains why he hates having his things stolen. He leaves Catwoman to be murdered as well, but she escapes in true Catwoman fashion and gets a crook to reveal Bones’ hideout by pointing a gun at his crotch. Yeah I’d probably squeal too. So anyway, Catwoman invades the strip club and snags Bone and beats the complete shit out of him with a baseball bat as revenge for killing Lola. Of course Batman interrupts and convinces her not to kill Bone, leading to a brief makeout session. After escaping, Catwoman returns to Lola’s apartment to begin destroying anything that will link her to Lola... and we end on a cliffhanger when cops enter the apartment just as Catwoman is in the middle of burning evidence. You know, I originally started reading and reviewing this series because the first one was so bad, but I’m actually starting to like it. The story is picking up and appears to be going places. It’s been quite the surprise and I think I’ve found myself looking forward to the next issue.
Nightwing #3
What a weird issue. We start things off at the funeral of Mr. Haly, the owner of the circus that Dick Grayson performed at as a child. Haly’s son is upset that Grayson was given ownership of the circus but breaks down due to the death of his father. So after talking to his friend with benefits Raya, Dick decides to investigate former circus member Zane in Chicago, who acts as a kind of booker for contracted killers. And if he books killers, surely he’ll know who hired Saiko to murder Haly. But Zane is some sort of psychic and has radio transmissions that cause Nightwing to hallucinate, seeing himself interacting with people from his life. It’s a really weird segment and pretty confusing. Like people are yelling at him and then he dives after his parents to prevent their deaths. But when Nightwing realizes these are radio transmissions, he’s able to reverse them from some device on his suit, and Zane reveals that he has no clue as to who hired Saiko to kill Haly. And if he did, he’d have killed that person himself. So Dick rejoins the circus tour and has a night of sexual fun with Raya. Meanwhile, some dude is crying and asking if “he” really has to kill Dick Grayson, and “he” is revealed as Saiko, and says that yes, he does have to kill Dick. Yes he does. Confusing issue that was kinda there and didn’t really do anything to advance the plot.
Justice League #3
This is another series that continues to impress after the abomination of a first issue. We start off by being introduced to Wonder Woman, who is instantly 1000 times better a character than the version we get in the crappy Wonder Woman comic (see below). She sees a report on TV about some winged creatures attacking Washington D.C. and then briefly interacts with the real world in a humorous moment (“Try this ice cream!”). Meanwhile, Green Lantern, Flash, Batman and Superman are having their own problems with the winged creatures. This provides us with more awesome banter involving Batman’s lack of superpowers (“I thought he was a vampire!”) and more hilarity occurs when Wonder Woman shows up to help (“You’re strong!” “I know.” “Dibs!”). The comments here just rock. The creatures eventually flee and begin circling around the ocean, where Aquaman throws some crap up into the air and announces that he is the new leader of the group. Intertwined into the action here is Cyborg’s dad and other scientists using experimental nano technology to save Cyborg from a blast of energy that is destroying him from the inside. And it actually flows really well! Highly recommended, as like Catwoman, this series has seriously blown everything else out of the water following the retched first issue. I wish DC would copy Marvel and do some of these titles more than once a month (although my wallet doesn’t) because I’d totally be down for two Justice Leagues a month.
Wonder Woman #3
I try to save this one for last because it usually tends to be my best review (why can we easily review stuff that’s shitty?) but I’m changing that up now because to end this column with a review of this comic would be a travesty, the levels of which have not been seen since the Internet crashed when Michael Jackson died. Anyway, this piece of shit jumps all over the place. We start off with a bonfire burning and then jump to a bunch of chicks building the bonfire and talking shit about Wonder Woman before Purple Bald Goddess makes an appearance as a Paul Bunyan sized giant and says some shit. Then we go back to the village where Wonder Woman is sad about something and her mom starts telling her about how she was born. Apparently Wonder Woman’s mom had sex with Zeus (who they actually draw NAKED. Yes, the artists have gone from showing random naked chicks for no reason to showing naked DUDES for no reason. This is not okay.). And they had sex on like every corner of the planet and Wonder Woman was conceived. But apparently she lied to everyone and said Wonder Woman was made from clay or some stupid shit. You never know because this retarded comic is so confusing. Intertwined between these stories are more Amazon chicks building the bonfire from the beginning and wondering if Wonder Woman is one of them or one of the evil gods. So they light the bonfires but Wonder Woman comes and punches a chick and lights them herself and announces she’s leaving. WHAT. THE. FUCK. JUST. HAPPENED. I have NO IDEA what the hell the point of this comic is and what the hell is happening. I’m even starting to wonder if I should even keep reviewing it. We see Panty Wearing Chick and Horse Carcass Dude like once in this issue too. Weren’t they major parts of whatever story this comic had? They were the focus of the first two issues! And this shit was all out of order too. And why have we regressed from naked women to dudity? That’s never fun to see. Just a terrible, terrible comic all around. Fuck this shit. Fuck it right in the ass and avoid it like an Arab in an American airport after 9/11.
Batman #3
Time to wash the horrible taste of Wonder Woman out of my mouth with this amazing little comic. And oh my GOD does this one own. We start off with a flashback to 1922 where Alan Wayne is fleeing from “owls” and an heroes by jumping into an open manhole. Back to the present, we see Batman in a fight with some Eastern European gang that wear iron masks and attaches magnets to them, and throws them toward a subway train. AWESOME. But Batman is really looking for information on this weird cult of “owls.” As Bruce visits the politician dude from the last issue, they discuss the secret cult and why they haven’t made any appearances or attacks on Bruce until now. Turns out there’s a suspicion that they run Gotham, and they aren’t pleased with Bruce’s plan to transform the city. So Bruce does some digging about owls and finds that their lairs are scattered across the city, on the 13th floors of buildings, and sees a bunch of artifacts linking the Court of Owls back to the 1800s. And when Batman investigates the final building, KABOOM. And the Owl is watching. Awesome, awesome stuff and I don’t know if I can wait another month for the next part of the story.
No Marvel this week. I got Amazing Spider-Man #674 but I’ll start reviewing this series after I put up my entire review of the issues that compromise the Spider Island storyline.
OVERALL, a good week thanks to Batman and Justice League. Catwoman continues to impress while Nightwing was just there. Use Wonder Woman as a 2.99 jizz rag.
COMING THIS WEEK OR NEXT WEEK: Flash! Superman! Wolverine! BE THERE BAH GAWD!
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