So last week I returned home from another night of drowning my sorrows in alcohol and couldn't sleep, so I hopped on Facebook. There was a weird side ad featuring Melina and Chavo Guerrero that made mention of them coming to town this weekend for some independent wrestling show, so after doing some Googling, I find out that the show is for Lucha Libre USA, the guys that had a show on MTV last year. I didn't make plans to go but as luck would have it, I show up to work the night of the show and they don't need me. This happens every weekend and I usually stay anyway but I'm sick of their bullshit so I left and decided to attend the show.
Here's a brief recap.
Keep in mind I never watched the MTV show and have no clue who half these people are. But after doing some research, it seems as if some of the guys were brought in from San Antonio independent promotion River City Wrestling.
Now first of all, it wouldn't be a pro wrestling show without me having to sit right next to a guy reeking of B.O. and also having THOSE Smark fans two rows behind me chanting annoying chants all night. For those who care, roughly 95% of the crowd was Hispanic, and lots of children were in attendance as well.
I also want to point out that they had lots of cameras and lights and had an AWESOME presentation... the show took place at a minor league baseball field and they used the jumbotron and speaker systems and everything, and some guys even had titantron videos. It's weird because I've been to two TNA house shows and both had shitty audio, whereas all of the Indy shows I've been to have had audio that was on par with WWE shows.
We start off with some guy and some chick coming out with some dancers wearing Dr. Pepper Ten shirts (the show was sponsored by Dr. Pepper). The dude is the ring announcer and the chick is Rebecca Reyes, who apparently wrestles and valets and other shit. And my post show research says that Matt Hardy has been inside of her. Such a shame, as she’s very attractive. They do a lame routine about how Reyes can't drink Dr. Pepper Ten because it's just for men (and she’s a woman!), then hold a dance contest with Mini La Parka and Rocky Romero, who bring kids from the audience to dance to LMFAO.
Opener: “The Firewall” Jon Rekon wins a Royal Rumble vs. a bunch of dudes. Okay, so this Jon Rekon guy... imagine Kurt Angle if he had a body twice the size of Rob Terry from TNA. Seriously, the guy is roided to the gills and I'm really surprised Vince McMahon hasn't offered him a lifetime deal yet. Other participants I remember, most of whom wrestle for River City Wrestling according to my research: Big Dog, who looks like a fat Shelton Benjamin when he had blonde hair; Nemesis, who drew lots of snarky comments from THOSE Smarks behind me; El Oriental, who shot streamers out of his costume during his entrance in a cool visual; and Honkey Kong, who was basically a white Kamala with a tie and was the crowd favorite. So Rekon wins easily and cuts a promo explaining that he's the bodyguard for mega heel RJ Brewer, the son of the Arizona governor, who wants to ban illegal immigrants from wrestling and cleanse Lucha Libre USA of any illegals and give their spots back to Americans. I was laughing the whole time as this is actually a GENIUS gimmick that garners lots of heat and fits the company perfectly.
Midget Match: Octagoncito def. Mini Park and Pequeno Halloween. Yeah, I don’t rate midget matches. I will say, however, that Mini Park is a midget La Parka. Well, he’s SUPPOSED to be, but he doesn’t do any of the signature La Parka dances, and he doesn’t even have a steel chair with him during his entrance! What the FUCK? Had I paid money to see the La Parka impersonator I would have demanded a refund. You can’t imitate the Chairman of WCW WITHOUT A FREAKING CHAIR!
Chavo Guerrero, Jr. def. The Firewall Jon Rekon by DQ. Chavo, of course, is the nephew of the late Eddie Guerrero. He comes out and says that he wants to kick Rekon’s butt all over the Dell Diamond, and the two have a generic squash match with Chavo getting pounded to a pulp by a man literally three times his size. Chavo ends up outsmarting the big musclehead in the end, though, when he takes Rekon’s baseball bat (yeah, the big muscular dude apparently needed a baseball bat) following a referee bump, tosses it to Rekon and falls down just as the referee regains consciousness. He sees Rekon with the bat and Chavo on the ground, and DQs Rekon. We all remember Eddie Guerrero doing the same thing. This leads to Rekon beating down Chavo, the ref, and the ring announcer. Welp, okay then. Fun ending mainly because of the Eddie tribute but otherwise it kinda sucked.
El Nuevo Macho def. Some Guy. El Nuevo Macho is a midget in a DR. PEPPER TEN costume, complete with cape. He got his ass beat the whole match but produced a can of DR. PEPPER TEN, and like Popeye, was suddenly able to Hulk Up and defeat his jobber opponent.
Intermission. I break down and buy those shitty nachos they sell at every sporting event, as well as a $5 paper cup of beer! Hey, it was Shiner Bock on tap, don’t judge. This intermission went on FOREVER, by the way, as people were able to pay what was probably an absurd amount of money to take a picture with Mini Park. I mean this was like a 30 minute intermission. By comparison, WWE house show intermissions last roughly 15 minutes.
“The Shane Event” Shane Helms and Rebecca Reyes def. Rocky Romero and Jillian Hall. Jillian Hall, another ex-WWE diva, comes out first and announces that she is going to try Dr. Pepper Ten for the first time. But the ring announcer informs her that she can’t, because it’s JUST FOR MEN, and she’s a WOMAN. So she decides to SING. See, her gimmick in WWE was that she was a TERRIBLE SINGER, and she sings her WWE theme song. Rocky Romero comes out and asks if she’s an angel, loves her voice, etc. Rebecca Reyes runs out and makes fun of the two, and Shane Helms, WWE reject #3 of the night, heads out to join her. So Helms gets attacked and helped to the back, leaving Reyes alone to get beaten up. This gets the first “NO! NO! NO!” chants of the evening. Suddenly a familiar Scorpions song hits the PA system and “Hurricane” Helms makes his entrance to “YES! YES! YES!” chants. Helms is able to help Reyes beat the evildoers and they pose afterwards. Fun enough.
Lucha Libre Championship: Lizmark Jr. def. Latin Lover. Lizmark Jr. is a jobber from WCW (I think he actually made the cut for a WCW video game actually) and Latin Lover was a jobber in the 1997 Royal Rumble. The two cut promos in Spanish before the match, which was boring because I’m American and can only speak one language, and that language ain’t Spanish, baybeh! Of course they follow this up with a boring match that Lizmark wins. Boring stuff overall, as I have only been exposed to these guys’ work in WCW and WWF, where they were all jobbers and never won any matches. 14 years later and I’m supposed to instantly see them as big stars main eventing for a “world” championship. Nope, sorry, no can do. I know this is an Indy fed, and any “name” star will be given the top spot, but at least build these guys up first!
Main Event: Magno def. RJ Brewer. If Magno loses, he has to unmask (the biggest insult a wrestler in Mexico can be dealt) and if Brewer loses, he must wear a mask. Rekon comes to the ring with Brewer, who cuts a long promo explaining who he is and why he is in the company. Keep in mind they’ve been playing vignettes ALL NIGHT doing this same thing trying to get Brewer over as a mega heel. No clue who Magno is. They proceed to have a boring match, which Brewer wins after interference from Rekon. But wait! A referee comes out and explains the interference to the main referee, and the match is restarted, with Rekon being banned to the backstage area. So Magno winds up winning and puts a mask on Brewer to end the show.
Afterwards, if you purchased or upgraded to VIP tickets ($50), you could have gotten into an autograph session with the luchadores, but I declined that opportunity. I had already spent $20 on a ticket, $10 on parking and another $15 on crappy food and beer. Not to mention that I had been there since 7, the show started at 8 and ended around 11:30... I just wanted to go home. Well, I went drinking but you get the point. Plus, without my mom and Elijah Burke, what fun is a wrestling autograph session?
If Lucha Libre USA: Masked Warriors comes to your town, I say take a pass. It was fun to see old jobbers I had never seen live before, due to WCW never touring Austin, but the matches all sucked and the no names weren’t inspired to let people know who they were, or put on performances worthy of making a statement. Not to mention false advertising, as La Parka and Melina were advertised but did not appear. But that should be expected from independent promotions, where no-shows are regular occurrences.
Thumbs down, and I can see why the TV show was canceled.
No comments:
Post a Comment