Saturday, March 28, 2015

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Friday, March 20, 2015


Welcome to the Fiesta!

It's South by Southwest week here in Austin, meaning the streets are flooded with bros in XXXL tanktops, and chicks in muscle shirts and sports bras trying to get free beer and waiting in line for hours to try to get a whiff of a chair that Beyonce might have farted in in 2003.

But enough about my personal life, here's Bizarro DX from some wrestling video that was released this week.

Last week I asked you why a Cinderella movie was being released in 2015, and you answered who cares?

  • Box Office News: A remake takes the top spot in the era of remakes.
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Good Kill, Pixels, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: The Divergent Series: Insurgent and The Gunman
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies and Into the Woods

  • If you're like me, you use Tinder, and if you're also like me, you match with spambots on Tinder. And this week we learned that viral marketing has no shame
  • Why are we getting Mallrats 2? To please Kevin Smith
  • It's the end of an era
  • It's also the end of another era
  • Coming soon to theaters: Fraggle Rock
  • Coming to Netflix in April: Leprechaun! Leaving Netflix in April: some really good stuff

    And that brings us to this week's poll.

    Will you ever attend South by Southwest?
    Only to visit Jeditab
    What is SXSW?

  • Friday, March 13, 2015

    And Today Is His Birthday

    Welcome to another edition of the Friday Film Fiesta, this time taking place on Friday the 13th! Again!

    I've been lazy the last few weeks and haven't asked you anything.

  • Box Office News: All of the latest releases are huge flops. Is the era of Vince Vaughn over as we head into the year 2006?
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Hotel Transylvania 2, Adult Beginners, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Cinderella and Run All Night
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: Annie, Exodus: Gods and Kings, Penguins of Madagascar, and Vice

  • Our big news of the week is that the first Star Wars spinoff will be about Rogue Squadron, while Episode VIII will resume the franchise's traditional May release date
  • The above news is sending shockwaves through Hollywood, as a sequel for a film that has yet to be released has already been pushed back
  • One thing you will not be seeing in the new Star Wars movies: smoking
  • SEQUELMANIA: Frozen 2, Clerks III, Mallrats 2, Sharknado 3
  • Genndy Tartakovsky's Popeye will not be seeing the light of day
  • Liam Neeson is quitting action movies
  • The cast of Monty Python and the Holy Grail is reuniting for the movie's 40th anniversary
  • In boycotting Netflix movies, theaters are making themselves irrelevant
  • Also becoming irrelevant: Sony, for trying to turn Ghostbusters into a franchise
  • Christopher Nolan is stepping up his efforts to preserve film

    And that brings us to this week's poll.

    Why is there a live action Cinderella movie coming out in 2015?
    Who cares?

  • Friday, March 6, 2015

    Friday Film Fiesta!

    Welcome to the Fiesta!

    Last week I asked you nothing.

  • Box Office News: Will Smith proves that combining him with a young, white woman is money
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Avengers: Age of Ultron, The Forger, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Chappie, The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and Unfinished Business
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: Annie and Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb

  • RIP Daniel von Bargen and Harve Bennett
  • Harrison Ford crashed a plane onto a golf course this week, and luckily is okay. Hey, he said it himself in The Last Crusade, he can fly a plane, but he can't land one!
  • We have some casting confirmations for Independence Day 2
  • Toy Story 4 will not exactly be a sequel
  • The stars of the latest Vince Vaughn flop have posed in generic office stock photos, which you can use for projects if you choose
  • Edward Norton is fed up with you
  • Youth-based films peaked in 1985
  • Fifty Shades apparently featured CGI pubic hair

    No poll again this week. Enjoy your weekend!
  • Saturday, February 28, 2015

    Another Delayed Fiesta

    Welcome to the RETURN of the Fiesta!

    Unfortunately there was no column last week, as yours truly was asked to fly out to Hollywood to be a seat filler for the Oscars. As you can imagine, it ended with hilarious results!

    Two weeks ago, I asked... yeah let's never speak of that failed gimmick ever again.

  • Box Office News: Two weeks ago, movie seats were flooded with... nah, not gonna go there. Last weekend, an inspirational movie beats out a movie about "fat and ugly" teenagers and a movie about hot tubs!
  • In Theaters This Week: Focus and The Lazarus Effect
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: Foxcatcher and The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

  • RIP Leonard Nimoy
  • For those who missed the show like me, here are the results of the Oscars. We also have results of this year's Razzies.
  • Sequelmania is running wild this week, as news has come out that Harrison Ford will be returning for a sequel to Blade Runner. Another franchise getting a sequel will be Alien, and rumor is that this sequel will cancel out some of the crappier sequels from the franchise. We are also apparently getting (or might have already gotten) a sequel to MacGruber
  • Coming soon to theaters: Adventure Time
  • Also coming soon: A movie where Leo plays every character
  • Neill Blomkamp wants to "re-do" Elysium
  • One movie avoiding Sequelmania is The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
  • Here is a list of what is both coming to and leaving Netflix in March
  • Not to be outdone by Disney and Star Wars, a theme park based on Lord of the Rings will soon be a reality
  • Movie theaters are still screwing up

    No poll this week as I have been turned on to House of Cards, and my TV has decided it would rather distort sound, so I'm off to fix that. See you next Friday! Or Saturday. Or Sunday. Or...
  • Friday, February 13, 2015

    Basic Bitch Fiesta

    Like OMG, it's the Friday Film Fiesta! HOW AMAZEBALLS is it that Fifty Shades of Greyis FINALLY in theaters?!? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    Ao like last week you were asked if women deserve better and you said you don't know which is total bullshit omg how can you not treat women with respect? Like we need to end women's suffrage and have equality and you stupid jerks only want us for our boobs like I can't even right now.

  • A buncha numbers: Umm, and why hasn't bae taken me to see any of this?
  • These movies look as good as my new shoes!
  • So like, 50 Shades of Grey in theaters this week! And some King movie where that black guy wears hats, I dunno, I can't even.
  • LOL who would buy Dumb and Dumber To on DVD next week? WTF is a Birdman? LOL I am sooooooooooo drunk right now!

  • So, like, Spider-Man is back with Marvel but, like, where does this leave my Chipotle? OMG I LOVE CHIPOTLE.
  • LOL so like Mark Hammill wants us to lower expectations for Star Wars but like Episode 2 was sooooooooo awesome! That shit was like a porn to me! Hayden Hottie Christiansen telling Natalie Portman her skin is sand? Sign me up lol!
  • So like they're adding stuff to Netflix but I NEED Vanderpump Rules NOW!
  • Ugh, I HATE this stupid bitch
  • Iiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia born and raised LOL
  • Hey I think I saw this on Instagram first!

    Can you even?
    Like duh
    lol NO
    Selfie time!

  • Saturday, February 7, 2015

    Friday F.U.N. Fiesta

    In honor of the new Spongebob Movie coming out today (and the leftover theme from the Super Bowl where Street Sharks danced with Katy Perry), this week's Fiesta will be dedicated to having F.U.N.!

    Last week I asked you if you were happy with the cast of the all-female Ghostbusters reboot, and you answered Yes.

  • Box Office News: Anyone who hasn't seen Sniper yet hates America!
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Magic Mike XXL, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Jupiter Ascending, Seventh Son, and The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and Nightcrawler

  • A lawsuit over the movie Gravity could have lasting repercussions on Hollywood writers
  • Reese Witherspoon thinks Hollywood women deserve better
  • Ryan Reynolds spills the beans about Deadpool
  • John Wick 2 is apparently on the way
  • Why Scarlett Johansson's Ghost in the Shell movie isn't happening anytime soon
  • Nicolas Cage really enjoyed Hayden Christensen's performance in Attack of the Clones

    And that brings us to this week's poll.

    Do Hollywood Women Deserve Better?
    I don't know

  • Friday, January 30, 2015

    Super Fiesta Sunday

    Welcome to the Fiesta... posted on a Friday for the first time in weeks? To be honest though, I was getting pretty used to Saturday Siestas, even if they did seem a bit second rate.

    Speaking of second rate, a hilarious meme came about from a picture of Hollywood actor Dwayne Johnson raising Roman Reigns' arm at the Royal Rumble. You probably missed it, so I've decided to post some of the better movie related ones.

    I haven't asked you anything in two weeks.

  • Box Office News: Sniper continues to set record, and we have our second bomb of the year
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Ted 2, Fantastic Four, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Black or White, The Loft, and Project Almanac
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: John Wick, The Best Of Me, and Ouiji

  • Rebootamania is in the headlines again this week, with the cast of the all-female Ghostbusters being announced. There are also rumors that Disney wants to reboot the Indiana Jones franchise with Chris Pratt
  • The Sony hack might get female actresses a pay raise
  • Suge Knight reportedly killed a man on set yesterday
  • Release Date News! We have planned release dates for Star Wars episodes 8 and 9, and MI:5 has been bumped up to July 31, 2015
  • Is the UK a bad place for minority actors?
  • Emily Blunt passed on multiple Marvel roles
  • M. Night Shyamalan wants a sequel to Unbreakable
  • Netflix's big secret is much more shocking (and disappointing) than you think
  • A movie once thought lost forever will soon have its debut
  • Why does every movie look orange and blue?
  • You can expect to see trailers for these movies if you watch the Super Bowl

    And that brings us to this week's poll.

    Are you happy with the female Ghostbusters cast?

  • Saturday, January 24, 2015

    Weekend Car Repair Fiesta

    Welcome to the Friday Film Fiesta... on Saturday. My car has been in and out of the shop this week. First it was to have the windows tinted and install a new radio. Then my brakes crap out on me and I had to get it towed to a shop, where it will spend the weekend. When it rains, it pours...

    Last week I asked you nothing.

  • Box Office News: American Sniper sets records for January while we have our first bomb of 2015
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Knock Knock, The Rewrite, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: The Boy Next Door, Mortdecai, and Strange Magic
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: The Book of Life, Fury, and The Judge

  • Remember when you wouldn't be seeing The Interview anywhere? Well now you can see it on Netflix
  • Johnny Depp is apparently at a career crossroads
  • Nicholas Cage will be starring in a Osama bin Laden satire film
  • Coming to X-Men: Apocalypse: young attractive people
  • Dreamworks is having some bad luck
  • The remake of Stephen King's It will be very scary
  • The first Star Wars spinoff will feature Han Solo and Boba Fett
  • The FCC is upholding its fines on Viacom and TV networks that played the trailer of Olympus Has Fallen with an emergency tone

    No poll again this week. Enjoy the weekend!
  • Saturday, January 17, 2015

    Friday Funeral Fiesta

    Sorry for the delay and half assed effort this week. My grandma passed away last weekend so I've been traveling all week doing funeral related things and just got home yesterday.

    Last week I asked you if you would be upgrading your film collection to Ultra Blu-Ray, and you said no.

  • Box Office News: Taken 3 TAKES people's money lololol
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for The Avengers: Age of Ultron, The Expanse, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: American Sniper, Blackhat, Paddington, Still Alice, and The Wedding Ringer
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: Annabelle, The Boxtrolls, The Drop, and Lucy

  • Here are your Oscar nominees for 2015. Razzie nominations have also been released
  • Tom Hardy has dropped out of Suicide Squad
  • Superhero films are NOT ruining Hollywood, says Paul Thomas Anderson
  • George Lucas will be watching The Force Awakens like a normal person. Am I the only person who wants to see a movie that's just George Lucas sitting in a theater and reacting to the movie?
  • Avatar 2 has been delayed until late 2017
  • Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan will not be returning for the new X-Men
  • SPOILER ALERT: these trailers spoil movies
  • We should be getting our first look at the Fantastic Four reboot in February. The writer makes a good point, this movie is a blockbuster set to be released in 7 months, and we haven't even seen as much as a logo for it yet. That cannot be good.

    No poll this week. Enjoy your weekend if you have Monday off (in America; enjoy being whatever nationality you are if you aren't American)!