Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Random Ramblings: Vince Russo Rebooks This Week's Wrestling Shows

Here's some truly terrible stuff I wrote during down periods at work. They got a total of 7 upvotes, so you know it's good!

Vince Russo Rebooks Raw!

Sasha Banks comes to the ring and announces that the fans will NEVER see her in her bra and panties. Crowd boos and chants "slut" at her. Dana Brooke comes out and shows GTV footage of Sasha buying lingerie at a store and challenges Sasha to a bra and panties match. Sasha agrees and quickly strips Dana, who is wearing a thong. Embarrassed, Dana runs up the ramp.

Jerry Lawler comes to the ring to interview Sasha. "Well I guess you were right!" "Jerry, I didn't get to finish my sentence. Nobody will ever see me in my bra and panties... because I don't wear any!" Stripper music plays and Sasha starts to remove her shirt but is quickly covered up by referees and ring crew.

Lawler faints and doesn't get up. EMTs come to revive him and it's revealed he had a heart attack. "This is as real as real can be" says Corey Graves. "Quite possibly the most real moment in the history of Raw" touts Michael Cole.

As Lawler is loaded into an ambulance, we cut backstage to see a brawl between Bo Dallas and Sin Cara being broken up.


Vince Russo Rebooks Smackdown!

Daniel Bryan opens the show with the new SD Women's Title, which is shaped like a brassiere. He hypes the Six Pack Challenge Bra and Panties Title on a Pole match and explains the rules: The match starts with all 6 women, but when a Diva removes another Diva's shirt or pants, she gets a chance to climb up and grab the title from the pole. If a Diva is stripped to her Bra and Panties, she has to pin another Diva to attempt to grab the title. If a Diva is pinned, she is eliminated from the match.

Nikki Bella, Becky Lynch, and Naomi come out and remind everyone that their stable, Totally Hot Ordinary New Girls, or THONG, has the best ASSets in the company, and they can't wait to be stripped to their panties on Sunday. Alexa Bliss, Natalya, and Carmella come out and claim that their stable, Beautiful Resilient Extraordinary Amazing Stupendous Terrific Sisters, or BREASTS, has the best puppies in the company. End result is a catfight where THONG is embarrassed by having their shirts ripped off, and BREASTS is embarrassed by being stripped of their pants.

In the catfight, Nikki Bella actually falls onto Daniel Bryan in a compromising position. Bryan calls her Brie and kisses her, which Nikki doesn't fight out. Daniel can't get out of the ring, however, and the show stops as EMTs hit the ring and reveal Bryan hit his head in the melee and might have Post Concussion Syndrome. "This is perhaps the most realistic moment in 17 years of Smackdown" says Mauro. As Bryan is loaded into the ambulance, he's assaulted by Brie, who also attacks Nikki. As this fight is broken up, a fight between Baron Corbin and Dolph Ziggler is broken up after both throw each other through a wall.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Thursday Night TV!

Time now for more of Diddly's Thursday TV Star Ratings! In a desperate attempt to relive last Thursday night, I watched roughly 90 minutes of TV last night.

The evening started while I was cooking dinner. I turned on my TV and flipped through the network channels (no cable). Bones was on Fox. Something was on ABC and NBC. Big Bang Theory was on CBS. I wasn't interested in any of it. DUD

Next up on CBS was the Odd Couple, where a really really old Matthew Perry continued his quest to sleep with a slightly older looking Terri Hatcher. This time he was repeatedly cockblocked by a 9 year old! Hilarity ensued. Other stories included a black guy hiding his vintage shoe collection from his wife, and Joe Lo Trugglio trying to break Lindsay Sloan'e "birthday curse" only to have it end with disastrous results! *** Perfectly Acceptable Television

After Odd Couple was Mom, still on CBS. Anna Farris' daughter is set to be married, but the relationship ends and the wedding is called off. Anna Farris is told that it's because her daughter's fiancee is a cheater, but she later finds out from the fiancee's mom that it's because the daughter is a drug addict and alcoholic, just like she was. Anna then has to decide how to bring this up with her daughter and get her help. Meanwhile, Allison Janney's boyfriend is out of the country, and she decides to fill her sexless void with fast food. ***1/2, with the extra half star coming from Janney's storyline obviously being inspired by

Then, 2 Broke Girls came on. Last week I questioned how the show was still on TV. I am still asking that question now. Since I last watched the show during Season 1, Beth Behrs' hair has gotten longer, and the Asian boss has gotten fatter. Kat Dennings' boobs have remained the same size. Beth Behrs still has a negative ass. I spent this time cleaning up the kitchen and running a load of dishes, then went to the gym. -*, because 2 Broke Girls is still on TV, and all over TBS.

Friday, January 8, 2016

The Friday Film Fiesta... Returns?

Editor's note: I am going to attempt to get back into the groove by writing a Fiesta every week, even though LESS people will be viewing it thanks to the death of the Blog of Doom. I will be submitting this as a trial for Scott Keith's Rantsylvania site, but whether or not he posts it remains to be seen. Nevertheless, if you were a Fiesta fan, sorry for the abrupt ending last summer, and hopefully I can make some use of this blog again.

Welcome to the Friday Film Fiesta!

For those of you who don't know, this is a weekly column originally created by 411Mania's Joseph Lee, who writes A Bloody Good Time every week. He wrote the column for roughly a year until his commitments to 411Mania and real life made it difficult to write. I took the column over in September 2011 as a way to complain about an announced Stretch Armstrong movie starring Taylor Lautner. That project ended up being canceled, but I continued writing the Fiesta until July 2015. I figured I would try to reboot it again for Rantsylvania as a place for visitors to discuss movies and TV shows.

Normally each week will have a goofy title along with a picture of an attractive female celebrity I'm digging that week, or even a goofy, relevant meme (say Steve Harvey saying something wrong), followed by an introduction and then the results of a poll. The long winded introduction more than works for this week, so let's get to it!

  • Box Office News: The Force Awakens continues to rake in the dough
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for The Conjuring 2, Jane Got A Gun, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: The Forest and The Revenant
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: The Martian, Hotel Transylvania 2, Sinister 2, and Paranormal Activity 5: The Ghost Dimension

  • RIP Jason Wingreen and Vilmos Zsigmond
  • It's Star Wars-Mania! The Force Awakens has officially passed Avatar to become the largest grossing movie ever in America. Oh, and did you know that the new Chewbacca is a pretty cool dude?
  • Speaking of Star Wars, Disney plans on making a fifth Indiana Jones movie
  • Bad news for Pacific Rim fans, as the sequel has been declared dead so that Guillermo Del Toro can direct a remake of Fantastic Voyage
  • The Ridiculous Six is now the most-watched movie in Netflix history
  • HBO's Michael Lombardo says a Deadwood movie is happening
  • Joss Whedon is finished with Marvel movies
  • Christopher Waltz will return for two more 007 movies, but only if Daniel Craig does too
  • M. Night Shyamalan is rebooting Tales From The Crypt for TNT
  • The FBI is investigating a film company tied to The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Ultra HD Blu-Ray will not employ region coding or locking. In addition, WB will release 35 4K Blu-Ray movies in 2016

    And that's it for this week. If this gets a good response, I'll continue to post an edition each week. I'm always open to feedback and suggestions as well. Thanks for reading!
  • Sunday, July 5, 2015

    Late Holiday Fiesta

    Welcome to the Fiesta! Sorry to break up the thrilling discussion and record amount of posts, but I feel it was time for a new thread.

    This should have been posted BEFORE all of the American holiday festivities, but of course Reddit (where I get all of these links I copy and paste into this column) decided to black itself out because some admin got fired. Now, I COULD have gone and gathered the links myself, but why work when someone else does it for you?

    Last week I asked you what current event you wanted Ben Affleck to make a movie about, and you answered something foreign and un-American.

  • Box Office News: People are still flocking to theaters to find out the fate of the British Assistant character in Jurassic World
  • Check out new trailers for Creed, The Secret In Their Eyes, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Magic Mike XXL and Terminator: Genisys
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: ... literally nothing I've ever heard of

  • In honor of the new Terminator movie, Entertainment Weekly attempts to follow the entire timeline
  • The Church of Scientology is threatening anyone who attempts to show a new Scientology documentary
  • Zack Snyder is still defending Man of Steel's ending
  • This Week in Sequel News: Top Gun 2 is confirmed
  • Now you have even more of a reason to visit Peter Jackson's house
  • Even Terminator: Genisys higher-ups think the trailers gave too much away
  • Mortal Kombat and Enter The Dragon are the exact same movie
  • Friday, June 26, 2015

    I Do, I Do, I Doohoo

    Welcome to the Fiesta, this week with 100% more legal gay marriage! The catch is that your marriage might only last three minutes, and will be officiated by this man:

    Last week I asked you nothing.

  • Box Office News: Dinosaurs apparently have no feelings when up against feelings
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Legend, Sleeping With Other People, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Max and Ted 2
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: Get Hard

  • In a link I accidentally left out of last week's Fiesta, Glenn sends in a great article taking a look at how a movie catches on with the public

  • RIP James Horner and Dick Van Patten
  • Hollywood has a pedophile problem
  • Meet the new Spider-Man (who, by the way, will debut in next year's Captain America: Civil War)
  • Creationists beware: A Disney movie about Charles Darwin is coming
  • Speaking of Disney, they have passed $1 billion in grosses in the United States
  • Coming Soon, already: a film about the FIFA scandals, directed by Ben Affleck
  • The Rock's next opponents: a gorilla, a lizard, and a wolf
  • Star Trek 3 has begun filming
  • 21 book franchises that never caught on
  • Toshiro Mifune is getting his own Walk of Fame Star
  • The Essential List of NC-17 Films (NSFW, I assume as I write this from work)

    And that brings us to this week's poll.

    What current event would you like Ben Affleck to make a movie about?
    Gay Marriage Ruling
    Church Shooting/Confederate Flag Drama
    New York Prison Escape
    Bruce Jenner Becomes Caitlyn Jenner
    Something Foreign and Un-American

  • Friday, June 19, 2015


    Sorry for last week's absence. I was housesitting for my parents and had a million things to do and literally forgot about the column until Monday morning. Been dealing with malware lately too. My dumb ass downloaded some shit a few weeks back and despite using 8 billion malware removal tools, the crap keeps coming back. TECHNOLOGYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

    Two weeks ago I asked if you want Tron 3, and you answered no.

  • Box Office News: Jurassic World sets the record for the largest opening weekend ever
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Kung Fu Panda 3, Sicario, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Dope and Inside Out
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: The Forger and Survivor

  • Cancer sucks
  • San Diego Comic Con has become too mainstream for several movie studios
  • As you read in this week's Wednesday Walk, China just got the Star Wars movies for the first time. My personal favorite part of this article is the quotes from the moviegoers referring to the cast as "ugly"
  • Speaking of Star Wars, Forest Whitaker is on his way to the GFFA
  • Come with me if you enjoy charity
  • LEO and Warner Brothers will be teaming to bring us a film version of a popular Japanese graphic novel
  • Halloween returns in Halloween Returns
  • Ten years (!) after the release of Batman Begins, take a look at what we were supposed to get instead

    No poll this week because lazy.
  • Friday, June 5, 2015

    A Fiesta on Friday?!?

    Welcome to the Fiesta! On a Friday? Weird! And here you thought last week was an anomaly after all of the Saturday/Sunday Fiestas posted in April and May. I'm always keeping you on your toes.

    Last week I asked you how happy of a birthday you thought I would have last weekend, and you answered who?

  • Box Office News: A goofy disaster movie starring a part-time wrestler is actually a winning combination!
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for The Good Dinosaur, Z For Zachariah, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Entourage, Insidious Chapter 3, and Spy
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: The DUFF, Kingsman: The Secret Service, Project Almanac, and Serena

  • RIP Betsy Palmer
  • You probably (haven't) heard of last week's new flick Aloha, which casts Emma Stone as an Asian-American
  • The rights to 007 films will be up for grabs after Spectre, so start saving your cash now!
  • Tron 3 will not be a thing. Some people think Disney should reconsider
  • Aquaman has a new director in James Wan
  • Stephen King's The Dark Tower will soon be a movie
  • Who knew Tom Cruise had such powerful lungs?
  • Apparently we almost had The Abomination in Age of Ultron
  • A short film that was originally tied to The Empire Strikes Back is being developed into a feature length film
  • This Week in Remakes: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson will star in a remake of Big Trouble in Little China
  • This Week in Charts: The ages of Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence, and Scarlett Johansson versus the ages of their love interests

    And that brings us to this week's poll.

    Do you want Tron 3?YesNo
  • Friday, May 29, 2015

    Fiestination America

    BREAKING NEWS: Destination America has acquired the rights to a TV version of the Friday Film Fiesta, which will replace TNA Impact. Or not. But welcome back to the Fiesta! For the last week we have had horrible weather here in Texas, and last weekend saw a bunch of tornadoes, rain, and flooding. This caused blackouts and brownouts, and by the time I was able to get to a PC with a steady amount of power, it was Tuesday.

    I haven't asked you anything in weeks. WEEKS I SAY.

  • Box Office News: Last week's new releases go head-to-head with new releases from two weeks ago!
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Point Break, Pawn Sacrifice, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Aloha and San Andreas
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: Jupiter Ascending, McFarland, USA and The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water

  • RIP Anne Meara
  • If we want more original films, we have to support them
  • We have some new details on Ahnuld's new Conan film
  • The new Ninja Turtles villain looks stupid, fella
  • Mad Max: Fury Road will look quite different on blu-ray
  • This Week In Reboot News: A remake of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is coming, while It loses its director
  • Details have been leaked regarding Andy Serkis' character in Star Wars
  • Coming just in time for Dawn of Justice: A documentary about the 2009 Justice League film
  • Remember Jaws? He's back
  • Furious 7 becomes just the fourth movie to hit $1.5 billion in worldwide box office

    And that brings us to this week's poll.

    How happy of a birthday will Jeditab have this weekend?HappyUnhappyMehWho?
  • Sunday, May 17, 2015

    A Messed Up Schedule

    Welcome to the Friday Film Fiesta... on a Sunday? Yes, thanks to Andy posting the WOTW a few days late, I figured I would be lazy and use that as an excuse to not post a Fiesta on time. Also I ate a pint of ice cream last night and feel sick. WELP.

  • Box Office News: The Avengers successfully fend off some new villains
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Eden and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Mad Max: Fury Road and Pitch Perfect 2
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: American Sniper, Hot Tub Time Machine 2, and Strange Magic

  • Apparently Hollywood likes to claim that successful movies are flops
  • It's Mad Max MANIA! The original is a pretty good movie, apparently; Various problems couldn't keep Fury Road from hitting theaters; and finally, make sure you see the new movie in 3D
  • Age of Ultron subtitles are confusing for Chinese
  • Get ready to see The Iron Giant in theaters again
  • In sequel news, we're getting a sequel to The Last Starfighter along with a sequel to 28 Days Later; we also have a name for the next Planet of the Apes
  • Starting in 2016, if you steal the Seinfeld method of scoring a date with a girl by claiming Daniel Craig is in a Star Wars movie, you wouldn't be wrong
  • Finally, we know why M. Night Shyamalan is on a losing streak
  • Product placement finds a way
  • Friday, May 8, 2015

    A Mother's Fiesta

    Welcome to the Fiesta! Mother's Day is Sunday, so get those cards and gifts ready!

    Last week I asked you if you would stop pirating movies just because Hollywood says to stop, and you TIED, saying you either will not stop, or that you don't pirate to begin with.

  • Box Office News: Age of Ultron BOMBS by failing to make as much as The Avengers did during its first weekend
  • Trailer Time: Check out new trailers for Vacation, San Andreas, and more!
  • In Theaters This Week: Hot Persuit
  • Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: Blackhat, Mortdecai, and Still Alice

  • The big news of the week is that Captain America: Civil War has begun production, with a new cast member
  • Meanwhile, X-Men will be losing a cast member
  • In sequel news, John Wick 2 is coming, as is a fifth Indiana Jones adventure
  • The next Avengers film will be shot entirely in IMAX
  • The second Star Wars Anthology film will be about the origin of Boba Fett
  • Former Fiesta Babes Kate Upton and Alexandra Daddario will finally meet on-screen
  • The Marvel/AMC 29 hour movie marathon is a crusher of souls

    No poll this week. Spend some time with your mothers or family! Or yourself.