Friday, March 30, 2012

Friday Film Fiesta for April 22, 1994

It’s Friday, April 22, 1994, which can only mean one thing: time for another radical edition of the Friday Film Fiesta!

Spring is in the air, but we’re only a few short weeks away from the beginning of the summer movie season. Huge films such as The Flintstones, The Mask, and 3 Ninjas Kick Back look to take the box office by storm, so get excited!

But before we get to this week’s news, I just wanted to say a few words about former President Richard Nixon, who passed away earlier today. Though his presidency will be remembered for the Watergate scandal, we have to remember that the man had a giant heart. Nixon refused to give back his cocker spaniel Checkers, which he had received as a gift. Any lesser man would have dumped the dog in a rainy alley like that chick from Breakfast At Tiffany’s but Nixon kept the dog and helped Dwight Eisenhower win the 1952 Presidential Election. And for that, Richard Nixon and his dog Checkers should be remembered as a heroes.

Good night, sweet prince


Last week I asked you who should play Kurt Cobain in the rumored upcoming Cobain/Nirvana biopic, and you answered with Macaulay Culkin, who beat out ER’s George Clooney by a single vote. Of course we would probably have to wait a few years for that since Culkin is still a teenager.

-- Box Office News: A lack of new films causes Four Weddings and a Funeral to claim the top spot. I’m puzzled, as I stated on my blog “A Hugh Good Men” when it was released last month that I thought it was rather meh. I just wish there was a way I could work that thought into the title of the movie.
-- Trailer Time: There were two big trailers released this week. The first is for Star Trek: Generations, which features Kirk AND Picard! The second is Timecop, which looks to be an AWESOME JCVD movie. Come on, TIME TRAVEL! MARTIAL ARTS! What more could you want? This should be better than Back to the Future. Other trailers released include The Shawshank Redemption, Clerks, Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, The Santa Clause, The Pagemaster, and Little Women
-- In Theaters This Week: Bad Girls, Brainscan, and Chasers
-- Next Week’s Notable VHS Releases: Mrs. Doubtfire (April 26)

-- RIP Dennis Cleveland Stewart
-- Boy, Jurassic Park sure did inspire some creativity in Hollywood! Last week we got wind of George Lucas wanting to create a prequel film for the Star Wars trilogy, showing how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, and now it seems that some dirty looking fat dude named Peter Jackson is looking to make a film adaptation of The Lord of the Rings book series. I don’t care how realistic computers made those dinosaurs look, there’s no way we have the technology to make an epic like Lord of the Rings look real. Maybe in the year 2027. I could, however, see a new animated version from Disney being made
-- Speaking of Disney, the upcoming animated feature The Lion King is already receiving flack for ripping off an old cartoon called Kimba, the White Lion
-- And speaking of special effects, here’s a cool feature on the upcoming movie Forrest Gump, which will be using computers to place Tom Hanks into historical events from the past few decades
-- Quentin Tarantino will be debuting his latest film Pulp Fiction at the Cannes Film Festival next month
-- The ending of last year’s Jason Goes to Hell was apparently setting up a Jason vs. Freddy movie
-- The Crow hits theaters next month, but producers don’t want to market the film as a tribute to Brandon Lee. Todd McCarthy from Variety sent me a glowing review of the movie, which will be published next week
-- The first image of Lord Zedd, the new main villain for the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in this fall's second season, has been released
-- Hulk Hogan’s new syndicated TV series Thunder in Paradise has disappointed in the ratings so far, but the Hulkster is still finding new ways to make money by shilling the city of Orlando in the series. He’ll probably need that cash since all signs point to cancellation of the series, and we’ve been reading that Hogan to WCW WILL NOT HAPPEN. Look, I don’t care if WCW shoots Saturday Night tapings in the same studio as Thunder in Paradise (the Disney-MGM Studios at Walt Disney World theme park), that’s just a coincidence and does NOT mean that Hogan is going to wrestle again. He wants to be an actor, just leave him be!

Ugh, sorry for the long rants on CGI and wrestling this week. Let’s finish things with this week’s poll.

Are you excited for a possible Freddy vs. Jason movie?

Yes
No
I want exotic settings like space

Friday, March 23, 2012

Post WELPie FFF

Welcome to the Fiesta!

The WELPies have been completed, and while a lazier man would take a break after completing such an arduous task (cough the old Jope Fiesta cough), there is film news to copy and paste, dammit!

But first, a LOVEBOMB: I just want to take this opportunity to thank those of you who read the WELPies. As I noted in the thread, planning and writing the show was an insanely difficult task, and while I felt the overall result was rather rushed and somewhat crappy (despite me working on the damn thing for the last month), you guys seemed to think the opposite. Glad you all enjoyed, and I’ll see you guys again in a few months for the So Bad, Dudes Tournament.

TWO weeks ago, as part of the FFF 6 Month Anniversary Spectacular, I asked you which “special” Fiesta under my watch was your favorite. You responded with the Cinematic Sopapilla. Rest assured, Lamar S. Smith will be back some day...

-- Box Office News: Twenty OWN Jump Street (TM and Copyright 2012 by Andy Halleen. All Rights Reserved)
-- Trailer Time: Mighty Fine, Sound Of My Voice, Dark Shadows, For Greater Glory, Jesus Henry Christ, The Host, and the movie we’ve all been waiting for, Twilight!
-- In Theaters This Week: The Hunger Games
-- Next Week’s Notable DVD Releases: Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, and A Dangerous Method

-- As posted on the Blog last week, WWE is looking to reboot the Leprechaun franchise. Yeah, they have Hornswoggle, but they won’t pony up for Warwick Davis? I mean I know the guy probably makes a bunch from Star Wars, but c’mon. C’mooooooon.
-- John Carter will not be having any sort of OWN portmanteaux. Alternatively, Most Incredibly Insightful Poster WELPie Award Winner Glenn sends in an article discussing how the movie was doomed from the beginning.
-- Michael Bay is retconning the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And if you don’t like his new ideas, you can just chill the fuck out, man. TMNT co-creator Peter Laird shares his thoughts.
-- Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn are also being retconned. If they don’t cast Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, I will lose all faith in humanity.
-- In further retconning, 1984 will be brought back to the big screen with a “new take” on the novel. I have an idea for Hollywood: get a “new take” on what you greenlight.
-- Three Stooges is apparently “The Next Jackass
-- Some chick will be Doctor Who’s new sidekick
-- Which CBS shows will be returning next year? Soiler: most of them suck
-- Walking Dead Season 3 soilers?
-- This might be a poster for The Wolverine, and boy howdy does that font, specifically the W, look familiar...
-- Release dates have been announced for Hangover 3, Pacific Rim, and the 300 prequel
-- The Dark Knight Ovates!

And that brings us to this week’s poll.

Which CBS show is your favorite?

How I Met Your Mother
Big Bang Theory
Two and a Half Men
2 Broke Girls
CSI
60 Minutes
Other

Friday, March 9, 2012

FFF 6 Month Anniversary Spectacular

Welcome to the Six Month Anniversary of MY Friday Film Fiesta! Yep, we're celebrating half year anniversaries now. Jope who?

But yes, it has already been six months since I took over the reigns, and I hope you guys have been enjoying it as much as I have. It feels like just yesterday that I started writing this column as a way to entertain you. Well, in a way, I really DID start writing this column yesterday. So thanks for reading, many more years of greatness, etc. etc.

Last week I asked you if Ghostbusters 3 should be made, and you TIED AGAIN. QUIT TYING MY POLLS. Anyway, the result was a tie between "No" and "The poll doesn't rhyme like the rest of last week's Fiesta, asshole."



-- Box Office News: The Lorax speaks for the trees. Trees are made into paper, which is used to make money. So the Lorax speaks for money. Yeah.
-- Trailer Time: We the Party, Men in Black 3, That’s My Boy, We Have a Pope, The Cabin in the Woods, Turn Me On, Dammit!, Bad Ass, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Detatchment, Lockout, and Meeting Evil
-- In Theaters This Week: John Carter, Silent House, and A Thousand Words
-- Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: The Descendents, The Adventures of Tintin, Happy Feet Two, and The Three Musketeers

-- RIP Ralph McQuarrie
-- Total Film has compiled lists of the 50 Most Hated Movies as well as the 50 Greatest Deleted Scenes
-- Because Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark was such a success, get ready for Animal House on Broadway!
-- Excitement for the LEGO movie continues to build
-- This was more relevant a few weeks ago, but here's a great writeup about the Simpsons episode "Homer at the Bat"
-- Topher Grace has edited the Star Wars Prequels into a single movie!
-- YES!
-- NO!
-- Behold: The Muppets parody The Hunger Games!
-- In other awesome parodies, Toy Story meets The Shining!
-- Nicolas Cage, however, finds parodies unfunny
-- Whatever happened to the sequel to Cloverfield?
-- Meet the new Robocop
-- Waiting for Halloween 3D? Keep waiting...
-- Oh Tom, why must you tease us?
-- Terra Nova has been canceled by Fox
-- Movie concession prices are TOO DAMN HIGH

And that brings us to this week's poll.



Which "special" FFF has been the best so far?
Cinematic Sopapilla
Dr. Seuss Tribute
Friday Film FiMEHsta
FFF Sponsored By ___



Content Note: No Fiesta next week. Instead, be on the lookout for the 2012 WELPie Awards at some point over the weekend. See you in two weeks!

Friday, March 2, 2012

The "Holy Shit I Didn't Realize It Was Actually Dr. Seuss' Birthday When I Wrote This" Fiesta

It’s the end of the week, Friday is here.
And that means that the Film Fiesta is near!
This week shall see rhymes, both small and obtuse,
Because it’s a tribute to Dr. Seuss!

Last week in the poll, I asked you about The Hunger Games.
Would you like to see it or spend the money on picture frames?
In a shocking shocker, the result was a tie.
You don’t know what The Hunger Games are, and you want to taste Jennifer Lawrence’s pie!

In Box Office News, the military wins the day,
Despite having less explosions than a movie made by Michael Bay.

No Trailer Time*** this week, since I can’t get anything to rhyme.
But check out the new Avengers trailer if you have the time.

In Theaters This Week come films from two different categories.
The party film Project X, and The Lorax, who speaks for the trees.

Notable DVD releases next week are movies that were made to thrill.
Movies such as Immortals, the remade Footloose, and don’t forget about Jack and Jill!

The AcadeMEH Awards were last Sunday, you know.
I didn’t watch, but these were the winners of awards at the show.

In other AcadeMEH Awards news, Billy Crystal wore blackface.
And more than a few people viewed it as a disgrace.

But award season isn’t finished, oh no, not yet
The Razzie Award nominees have been released to the Internet!

Netflix pissed off a lot of people last year,
And the latest news will make you emote the opposite of cheer.

Professionally, Martin Scorsese sounds like a big jerk.
But he wants people to view some films to better understand his line of work.

What do we know about Prometheus, the newest film by Ridley Scott?
Not much until now. Will we get more news? Probably not.

In our “Pointless Movie Remake” news of the week,
Vacation will be the latest film given a modern tweak.

Adventure returns to Blu-Ray this fall.
So cancel your trip to Egypt and put away that Staff of Ra!

Speaking of Indiana Jones, check out this tidbit from Frank Durabont.
As Paris Hilton would say, his version of Indy 4 sounds really hot!

The idea for Men in Black 3 came from Will Smith’s brain.
Meanwhile Lady Gaga is hopping aboard the MIB money train.

WWE Hall of Famer Mike Tyson will return for The Hangover Part III.
Will his role float like a butterfly or sting like a bee?

Sad news for fans of the Ghostbusters franchise.
Will the third movie ever be viewed by our eyes?

Here is a soiler for the new season of The Walking Dead.
So run to the various forums and discuss in a spoiler thread!

On my brain, all of this rhyming has taken its toll.
So let’s conclude things with this week’s poll.

Should Ghostbusters 3 be made?
Yes
No
Meh
Reboot the franchise with Justin Bieber!
Shit don't rhyme

*** Because I couldn’t resist, here’s a non-rhyming Trailer Time: Attenberg, Touchback, Piranha 3DD, Neighborhood Watch, Bernie, Frankenweenie, That’s My Boy, Despicable Me 2, ParaNorman, and Womb