In one single language
Over a half-gross hits each week!
RSPWFA2
For over half a decade, the revolutionary force in blogging entertainment.
And now, please welcome the Tom Cruise Dancers and the Blog of Doom Baggy Pants Players for the Official 2012 Blog of Doom WELPie Awards Intro! (Set to the theme of a random episode of Superstars from 1995!)
Weeeeellll
BBH joke maker,
Jason Krowe Theme Raider!
Hitman, jawas talk MMA,
Todah/FOTV, NBA!
Noir’s gonna draw your face,
Chrono hangs at Baddie’s place
Jedi, Jope Fiesta fight
Glennie’s Walks are out of sight!
FFF is back in charge,
Gladguy comes and goes at large!
R8DR likes female ass
Cyke is here passing gas!
Are you ready? (Yeeeeeah are you ready?)
Are you ready to scroll?
Are you ready? (Hahahahahaha!)
Are you ready to scroll?
Synch up your keyboards, get ready for the ride,
It’s Blog of Doom time so baby, hold on tiiiiight!
[The camera fades into a sold out Staples Center in Los Angeles, California where thousands of fans are cheering as fireworks go off. The music from the intro continues playing softly until it becomes the beating drum to the intro of a familiar song. The crowd begins clapping along in unison as the lights go out. A spotlight lands on the stage where a man rises up from below the stage, his back to the crowd and his right hand in the air holding a microphone. As the drums become the music of Phil Collins, the man turns around to reveal himself as a_gladguy.]
"Blog of Doomio"
A Song Parody by a_gladguy
Set to “Sussudio” by Phil Collins
There's this website that's been on my mind
All the time, Blog of Doomio oh oh
Now it don't even know my name
But I think it likes me just the same
Blog of Doomio oh oh
Oh if they texted me I'd be there
I'd come posting anywhere
The Blog's all I need, all my life
I feel so good if I just enter the URL
Blog of Doomio, just enter the URL
Oh Blog of Doomio
Now I know that I'm too young
My posts have just begun
Blog of Doomio oh oh
Ooh give me a chance, give me a sign
And I'll post here anytime
Blog of Doomio oh oh
Ah, I've just got to post, post it now
I've got to get closer but I don't know how
The Blog makes me nervous and makes me scared
But I feel so good if I just enter the URL
Blog of Doomio just enter the URL
Oh Blog of Doomio, oh
Ah, she's all I need all of my life
I feel so good if I just enter the URL
Blog of Doomio I just enter the URL
Oh Blog of Doomio I just enter the URL
Oh Blog of Doomio I'll enter the URL
Blog of Doomio oh oh oh
Just say the word
[As the crowd cheers, the Vader theme hits and chrononaut79 hits the stage, accompanied by bad_subject. Chrono approaches Andy and shoves him.]
chrononaut79: What the hell is your problem? What are you doing here? You quit the Blog. Last year you tried to push me off of this stage, and now here you are, back acting jolly and pretending that none of that bad stuff ever happened. You know what you are, Andy? You’re a BULLY. And you know what I do to bullies. Any last words before I kick your ass?
a_gladguy: I just have one thing to say, Chrono. It is very nice to meet you.
[Andy then gives Chrono the biggest, friendliest hug as Chrono sits there stunned. Andy then turns and gives Baddie a giant, passionate kiss to the confusion of Baddie and everyone else in the building. Andy then steps back and rips off his face...
... to reveal that it is a mask and that "Andy" is really 2013 WELPies Special Guest Host WILLIAM SHATNER!]
[The crowd realizes what has just happened and goes wild, as Shatner stands and absorbs the cheers of everyone in the building, everyone except Glenn, who isn’t thrilled that he just had to watch his idol kiss Baddie.]
William Shatner: Greetings, Blog of Doom fans! It is I, William Shatner, YOUR guest host of this year’s WELPies! You see when Jeditab put this thing together, he realized that former wrestling commentators and fictitious Amish leprechauns just wouldn't cut it. He needed someone who was universally loved! And since my Priceline daughter Kaley Cuoco refused to host the show buck naked, he wound up with me instead. But hey, I have a better ass anyway! I understand it has become an annual tradition here, so let’s scan the crowd and see who all is here tonight! Kicking things off for the third year in a row is the designer of tonight’s stage, jasonkrowe! And some guy!
Coming to us live via satellite by way of Fox News, it’s hitmanclark!
And another celebrity, JB Smoove with jeditab!
And because why not, here’s me with bad_subject! It’s the most star studded WELPies yet!
[Shatner jumps off of the stage onto the lap of Glenn, who is sitting on the first row.]
Shatner: Ouch, be careful with that thing Glennie, you could have pushed my dinner back in!
[Glenn passes out.]
Shatner: You see, friends, that right there is what I like to call a joke. A joke is something that someone says in order to elicit a positive reaction from someone else. The goal is to elicit humor, laughter, chuckles, you name it. But a lot of times jokes fall flat. Mainly jokes made by James Doohan and George Takei. But I digress! Our first award here tonight celebrates the best joke makers on the Blog.
Funniest Poster of the Year
The Nominees:
- jeditab
- jdisbfp
- noiretblanc
- cyke68
- flipflopnfly
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
jdisbfp!
jdisbfp:
Shatner: *keeling over in pain* No, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine! YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
[Shatner falls to his knees and a giant rip echoes across the Staples Center. Guts and gore and blood begin spilling out of Shatner’s sides, covering the stage. For a moment, it appears as if Shatner has died... until he kips up and hugs BBH.]
Shatner: Thanks once again to BBH for helping me SPLIT MY SIDES from his hilarity! See, all fake intestines. It’s actually made of Twizzlers! Come children! Eat my insides! Wait, who the hell scripted that? Because that’s totally not creepy at all. Well, speaking of intestines and things coming out of your body, here is last year’s Breakout/Comeback Poster of the Year AND 2012 Shittiest Poster of the Year, cyke68!
[Various fart and burping noises hit the PA but nobody comes out to the stage. Suddenly, the screen lights up and we see Cyke sitting on a toilet.]
cyke68: Greetings, oh hallowed Bloggio Vega! I of course come to you from my natural habitat, the bathroom! Of course with the new double-sized Arby’s Reuben sandwich, I’ve had to spend quite a bit of money to expand my bathroom. The WWF playset facilities from last year’s awards show just no longer suit my needs. But the good news, as you can see, is that I had an extra bit of cash left over since the bathroom expansion fell well under budget, so what’s a Cyke to do? Buy a new suit, of course! You see the new headgear and "helmet" are all the better to hide my emotions. My SAD emotions at being shut out of this year’s awards! Maybe I’ll leave you guys a smelly present at the aftershow, perhaps. But until then, here are the new nominees for the Breakout/Comeback Poster of the Year! Speaking of which, how much does this gig pay? I spent all of my money on suits and have nothing left to purchase the new Kevin Steen Dark Passenger t-shirt. (backup screenshot if original link dies)
Breakout/Comeback Poster of the Year
The Nominees:
- bad_subject
- flipflopnfly
- overcommitter
- jddunn
- theyellowdart87
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
flipflopnfly!
flipflopnfly: First off I'd like to thank...everyone! Every single one of you. I love this place.
But what I really want to so is issue a challenge. I'm talking to YOU. Yes, YOU...x_pac_heat, amodiosys, b_rockstar. YOU, juices_world, capncheezit. All of YOU!
Come on back. The water's warm.
Keep on Doomin!
Avatar of the Year
The Nominees:
- a_gladguy’s Charles Nelson Reilly
- jeditab’s Jarrett as Sting
- r8drsuperstar’s Trish Stratus’ Ass
- rip_em87’s Rip Taylor
- token_aussie’s Outback Jack
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
r8drsuperstar's Trish Stratus’ Ass
r8drsuperstar: FINALLY! I've won a Welpie. And it only took employing half the blog to do it.
Now, with all the pageantry out of the way. Let's talk about why we're really all here. That being Trish Stratus' incredible edible ass. It debuted in WWE back in 2000, and hit peak bubble around the feud with Stephanie McMahon. It continued to entertain us until 2006, when it retired after beating Lita's boobs in the first ever T Vs. A. match. It's aging pretty well, but isn't in quite the fighting shape it once was. I have it on good authority that it deserves a spanking, but don't quote me on that.
I'd like to thank my unrelenting obsession with Trish's hindquarters for my victory, and I look back fondly on our many cold nights together around the fire. I would also like it to be known that my naked Tiffany avatar is contesting the voting process.
Sincerely,
Most of you guys' boss
Shatner: This is usually the time where I would make a witty intro introducing the Rookie of the Year award, but I’m being told that due to a lack of competition, we’ll simply be awarding the honor to rip_em87 this year. Come on up, Rippy!
Rookie of the Year
The Nominee:
- rip_em87
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
rip_em87!
[rip_em87 takes the stage and hugs Shatner, then takes the WELPie. But before he can say anything, lamar_smith hits the stage to a chorus of boos.]
lamar_smith: STOP THIS. STOP THIS RIGHT NOW. Thank you. For those of you do not know who I am, my name is Representative Lamar S. Smith, House Judiciary Committee Chair Representative and Republican out of the great state of Texas. And yes, I place two spaces after each period because I HATE YOU. You long time Savio Vega fans remember me from my Cinematic Sopapilla, which was brought about when a fellow by the name of r9drsuperstar or something went against my precious S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A. acts, and single handedly turning the Internet against me. But that did not stop me from arresting Savio Vega Fan Travis Banks (why hide behind usernames?) and taking over his Friday Film Fiesta for a week. And guess what? I made you LAUGH. My debut was given five star reviews all across the country. President Barack Obama himself asked if he could stand over my shoulder and watch as I typed the sequel from September! But I said no because that shit is annoying. Just like this awards show. How in the world is this clown Tear Them being handed an award while this rookie stands in the shadows with the broken dreams of a world without online piracy? It is blasphemy, and I will not stand for it. Now, give me MY award!
[Lamar takes the WELPie and bashes Rip Em in the head, then poses with the award as the crowd boos. Suddenly, the lights go out. When they turn back on, Supertaker is standing behind him!]
Shatner: Dear God, it’s Supertaker! He’s back!
[Suddenly Supertaker takes off his robe to reveal futurejope!]
Shatner: Oh, damn, another fake mask! Why didn’t I see that coming?
futurejope: LAMAR SMITH. I wouldn’t steal that award if I were you. In fact, you will receive a WELPie in due time. The 2027 WELPies will be particular memorial for you, in fact, as you will win a WELPie for "Best Nostalgic Flashback" when you return for a week to guest host the Friday Film Fiesta. That award show will also see CMC win Poster of the Year for a record setting seventh year in a row. Regardless, if you steal that WELPie, Representative, it will lead to awful things, like you losing your job in Congress and being forced to use torrents to download the latest episode of your favorite show The Bachelor, since you won’t be able to afford cable.
Lamar: SHUT UP. Besides, my favorite show is the Carrie Diaries on the CW. But how dare you insinuate that I will be forced to use the Internet to illegally download copyrighted material. If this fictitious award means that much to you losers, you can have it.
Shatner: Well, that escalated quickly. Rip, I believe you have a speech ready?
rip_em87: First of all, I want to say thank you to all of my wonderful competition. You guys gave it a good run, but it really was an easy choice for the Blog.
I came here roughly a year ago after learning about this place from my friend, the honorable and handsome Hitmanclark. When I came here, I thought it would be a great honor to simply post alongside him and the other CWOites.
However, in the past year, I have not only posted alongside HMC, I've surpassed him. I've done more in a year around this place than he'll ever be able to do in a lifetime. Let's run down the list.
Making an amazing debut? Check.
Instantly gaining the acceptance and admiration of everyone on the Blog, even Andy, who admires and accepts no one? Check.
Maintaining the highest post quality in the history of the Blog? Check.
AND, most importantly, winning a WELPie, something that hairy, sweaty, bacon-necked geek will never, EEEEEVER be able to do.
I've got a WELPie. Suck on that, Phillips.
Shatner: And BOOM goes the dynamite! I imagine that in this case, the dynamite explodes in cartoonish fashion, with the smoke clouds and everything. I can see it in my head now. In fact, I might put that image on the computer later and use it to identify me in various online forums! An avatar, if you will. Which coincidentally enough is the subject of our next WELPie: avatars!
Best Avatar Use of the Year
The Nominees:
- Jope’s Dean Winchester
- R8DR’s Sam Winchester
- HMC’s Green Lantern Corps
- Glennie’s Glenns
- bolognasandwich’s The Many Faces of Don Rickles
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
bolognasandwich’s The Many Faces of Don Rickles!
bolognasandwich: Thank you all for this award. It was truly an honour just being nominated alongside the other four gentlemen in this category.
I mean, what can you say about R8DR that hasn’t been said already? Although, some people have occasionally questioned his intelligence. But that’s not fair; there are times he has something on his mind -- he wears a hat occasionally. He's so dumb he bought a topless bathing suit for his half-sister. When a beggar asked him, "Do you have a quarter for a sandwich?" he said "Let's see the sandwich." He lost his cat, but he won't put an ad in the newspaper; he says it's no use -- his cat can't read!
But enough about him, how about Jope? Great guy, and terrific contributor to the blog. Although, he’s not exactly the most modest guy around, is he? He knows when an idea is good -- when it's one of his own. He gets carried away with his own self-importance; the trouble is, not far enough. He has such a big mouth, he can sing a duet all by himself. He always wants to be the center of attention; when he goes to a funeral, he's sorry he isn't the corpse. He's the kind of guy you'd really like to run into sometime -- when he's walking and you're driving a car!
HMC is a helluva a guy, even though he’s not the most handsome man in the world. He has a strange growth on his neck-- his head. Looks aren't everything; in his case, they aren't anything. He has a very sympathetic face; it has everyone's sympathy. He should join the Ku Klux Klan -- he would look a lot better with a hood over his head. He's not exactly bad looking; there's just one little blemish between his ears-- his face.
Finally, Glennie. I doubt there’s anyone on here who has anything bad to say about him. Well, except that I’ve heard rumblings he’s a bit cheap. But maybe he’s just a bit short on cash because of a recent expenditure. He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap! He's a man of rare gifts; it's rare when he gives one. When he donates money to charity, he likes to remain anonymous - so he doesn't sign his name on the check. Money means nothing to him; when you ask him for money, you get nothing. For crying out loud, when he takes a dollar bill out of his pocket, George Washington blinks at the light!
But seriously, the Blog of Doom is a terrific corner of the Internet where guys can socialize. The Blog is great for people that are lonely – but I ain’t that lonely yet.
Shatner: The WELPies; the final frontier. These are the voyages of the website RSPWFA2. Its seven year mission: to explore strange, new memes, to seek out new news and new posters, to boldly go where no communication website has gone before. Who here is old enough to remember that? See, it’s kind of a gag. A Star Trek Reference. We all love our references and gags, don’t we? Well, not the reflex when you go to the dentist and they stick stuff down your throat. The same gag reflex serpent_sky gets when she goes down on a man. Whatever happened to her anyway? She doesn’t post her cleavage as much as she used to. Oh there I go again ranting. It’s not even time for the Rant award yet. Back to gags, here is the WELPie for Best Recurring Reference/Gag of the Year!
Best Recurring Reference/Gag of the Year
The Nominees:
- OWN/MEH portmanteaux
- That’s Our Andy!/That Sour Andy!
- :-?
- Krowe’s pictures and videos
- Kool and the Gang/REM
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
That’s Our Andy/That Sour Andy!
Shatner: Wait, I’m getting word that Andy isn’t here tonight?
["No Chance in Hell" hits the PA as Vince McMahon struts his way on-stage.]
Vince McMahon: I know everybody here tonight paid good money to see a_gladguy win an award, but I’m sorry I have to be the one to disappoint you people. You see, Andy is not able to accept this award tonight because he wasn’t invited. And I’ll be taking this award on his behalf. Thank you very much, everybody, and good night!
["No Chance in Hell" hits the PA as Vince struts off stage.]
Shatner: Wait, what the hell is even the point of teasing Andy’s involvement in this show for months and then rubbing it in the posters’ faces that he isn’t here? Seems like a backwards way to do business, but hey, my check cleared so I say do as you wish! Let’s just... yeesh, let’s just throw it to the List/Tournament/Special Thread of the Year WELPie.
List/Tournament/Special Thread of the Year
The Nominees:
- Jopetoberfest 2012
- Top 25 WCW Wrestlers
- So Bad, Dudes Tournament
- The 37th Annual WELPie Awards
- cWo At The Movies: Watchmen
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
The So Bad, Dudes Tournament!
Shatner: Here to accept the award is the man who put together the So Bad, Dudes Tournament: jeditab!
jeditab: WELP! I can honestly say this is a surprise since I thought the WELPies went over much better, especially after the controversies over who actually made the SBD tournament along with the massive drop off in voters. Oh well. But I can’t accept this award without making a giant confession; the results were contaminated. Turns out after the tournament was finished I found an email from hasselhoffownsu in my spam folder that would have significantly altered the tournament! Okay, just kidding, it actually wouldn’t have done anything different to the outcome, but I still feel guilty about it. I’ve let you all down, so I will walk away in shame.
Shatner: FRAUD! SHAM! LIAR! PHONY! Maybe jeditab should delete his account and create a gimmick account called fictioustab or something to show how much of a fraud he is! Speaking of gimmicks, we have a lot of gimmick posters around here, more than we need, actually. For every level headed poster, we have at least one gimmick poster. For every BBH there is a CMC. For every Jope there is a futurejope. For every Andy, a Krowe.
Best Gimmick Poster
The Nominees:
- futurejope
- lamar_smith
- cmc4aneternity
- jasonkrowe
- a_gladguy
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
futurejope!
futurejope: I have to say this just right, just like I said it before, otherwise I could end up changing history and we don't want that. Well, Krowe probably does, but...I've said too much.
I'm sorry to CMC, Lamar and the other nominees (I'm old, so I forget things. Plus the radiation), but you shouldn't have even bothered. I'm from the FUTURE. I knew I was going to win. I said as much. Why try when you know your destiny is to lose?
I thought I'd offer a few friendly spoilers from the world of tomorrow that won't change much. Here we go.
Glenn, when you hear about the world's greatest bowtie contest, don't doubt yourself. Enter it. I want you to be happy this time, and you need to enter that thing because, between you and me, you're going to win.
Andy, I want to apologize for the way R8DR acted when we were all at Fright Night together. I won't say too much because I don't want to erase the good memories, but the words "Gillian Anderson" and "bell tower" should tell you everything you need to know.
R8DR, let her go. She's not worth it.
Finally, Jedi. We will feud again. Next time, it will probably be over the MMA Thriday, which HMC gives to me for some reason in 2015. You challenge my abilities even though you've never once done it yourself. I'd rather not school you in blog Content again so just drop it.
Okay, that's enough from me. Enjoy the return of Hulk Hogan to WWE! It goes exactly like 2002 did!
Shatner: What a bro! And you know what the Blog of Doom has a lot of? Bromances! So in the time honored tradition of rushing things along because we’re running out of time, here are the nominees for the Blog’s best Bromances of 2012-13!
Best Blog Bromance
The Nominees:
- The Andy Texting Crew (Andy and Steve, Noir, Jeditab, Glenn, etc.)
- Hoop Bros: FOTV, HMC and todahshy
- Whores for Horror: Jope and R8DR
- The Oregon Trail: jasonkrowe and rinehart316
- Actually Brothers: jcdaredevil and hasselfhoffownsyou
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
The Andy Texting Crew!
[The crowd sits in silence, some people twiddling their thumbs and others texting, as they wait for Andy to take the stage.]
Shatner: Dammit, didn’t we JUST ESTABLISH two segments ago that Andy wasn’t invited? Where’s the production log?
[Shatner thumbs through the log looking for a replacement.]
Shatner: Aw hell, why not. Here to accept the award are the recipients of Andy’s texts! GET ON UP HERE YOU GUYS!
[glenniebun, jcdaredevil, jdisbfp, stevewille, jeditab, noiretblanc, and cyke68 hit the stage and each shake Shatner's hand.]
glenniebun: Dear Mr. Halleen; We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in a cell phone store buying a data plan to talk to you. But we think you're crazy to text us telling us what we think we are interested in. You text us what you want to text us. In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
noiretblanc: ...and an artist...
jeditab: ... a bar hopper...
stevewille: ...and a father...
jcdaredevil: ...a film critic...
jdisbfp: ...a prankster...
cyke68: ...and a fast food expert.
glenniebun: Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Texting Crew.
[The Texting Crew suddenly all look down at their pants and pull out their cell phones, which are vibrating and ringing.]
Shatner: Who would be texting you in the middle of an awards show?
Texting Crew: IT'S ANDY!
jeditab: I got a text from Andy saying he prefers MY Fiesta!
jcdaredevil: Odd... I got a text from Andy saying he prefers MY Fiesta.
noiretblanc: I got a text from Andy with a picture of his personally-drawn stick figure version of the cWo Rumble poster!
stevewille: I got a text from Andy asking if we can go to the next CHIKARA/Ring of Honor show in Chicago!
jdisbfp: I got a text from Andy asking for my stalker's boob picture!
glenniebun: I got a text from Andy saying that he wants to start wearing bowties!
cyke68: I got a text from Andy saying that he pooped in a trash can at work!
[Everybody looks around in awkward silence.]
Shatner: Poop jokes? Those are SO last year. But seriously, that's what you spend cell minutes on? Shit talking? "Meh" indeed. And now we'll hand over the reins to a beloved Blog member. Please give a warm welcome for rinehart316!
[The Starrcade theme from WCW/nWo Revenge hits the PA and Rinehart makes his way to the stage, completely ignoring Shatner.]
rinehart316: The National Wrestling Alliance had many shitty years, such as 1987, 1990 and 1989, but none of those can hold a candle to what was booked on the Blog of Doom in 2012. The buildup to this show has been awful, but every event labeled "3" is pretty bad. The Third Annual Starrcade (Starrcade '85: The Gathering) took place on November 28, 1985 from both the Omni in Atlanta, GA and the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, NC. The buildup was Ric Flair breaking Dusty Rhodes' ankle. Lame, because a broken ankle is not enough to sustain a feud. A little over a year later, on March 29, 1987, WrestleMania III took place from the Pontiac Silverdome in Pontiac, MI. The buildup for the main event of Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant featured Andre ripping off Hulk Hogan's shirt and cross. Again, destroying jewelry is hardly good booking, and having Andre tear Hulk's shirt off made Andre look really gay. Like both of those, the third annual WELPies have had a terrible buildup. People are fighting over movies and scripted wrestling matches, and blowing each other over avatars. The Blog of Doom DESPERATELY needs to change the way it books its columns and posters because they are on the same pathway to bankruptcy that the NWA was on in 1988 and WCW was on from 1999 to 2000. And I AM ready to rebook the show.
Shatner: Umm, well, you were supposed to INTRODUCE the nominees for the Rant of the Year WELPie, not cut a rant yourself. But thanks anyway Rinehart!
Rant of the Year
The Nominees:
- Noir’s review of Like Crazy
- CMC celebrates the Miami Heat’s NBA Championship
- jeditab’s Friend Zone Rant
- jasona1’s Relationship BS Part XXII
- Baddie rants on Masculinity
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
CMC celebrates the Miami Heat’s NBA Championship!
cmc4aneternity: Thank you Blog Of Friends for this unbelievable honor. This being my 3rd WELPie, I feel I should cherish this moment because it doesn't come around often.
First off, I'd like to thank Mike Miller and YOUR Miami Herald for the championship newspaper that I have taped to my door so that when I leave the house, I'm reminded that I should be a champion every time out!!!
I'd also like to thank Sports Illustrated for Real Recognizing Real
I would also like to thank all the adversity that came into play for this rant to be as memorable as it was. For everyone wanting to trade D-Wade and that he's broken and he'll never be Elite again.
"In brightest day, in blackest night,
No Pacer shall escape their sight.
Let those who worship Indiana's might,
Beware the power...MIAMI'S LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
For everyone making fun of YOUR NBA Champions for losing game 5 of the ECF at home and no one believing in the champs in game 6 except
For everyone who finally stopped all the negativity and decided that you can't hate greatness. It's not my fault the greatest trio in NBA history wanted to play for the greatest fans in the world here in Miami. Just take it. Eat it. Enjoy it. Like it!!!
And finally I'd like to thank the few naysayers who still can't appreciate YOUR Miami Heat. You think this is over? You think in 2 years, this is over. Like The MVP says....
Calm down haters. This ain't over!!!!
Thank you Blog Of Friends for this incredible award. And if you think just because I haven't been around, that I'm gone, it's the opposite. You haven't gotten everything from me yet. Your Miami Hurricanes, Your Miami Marlins, And YOUR MIAMI MOTHERFUCKING DOLPHINS need to win Championships before I'm done. You think I've given you everything......There's a reason I came here. Just like LeBron left that loser place to come to a real city with Real Fans!!!!!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go and celebrate my 3rd WELPie in the only manner I know how!!!!
Shatner: Was he trolling us or is he legit? Nevertheless, our next award is for the most underrated or most unappreciated poster. Now, there’s a common misconception about this award. For some reason people get it in their heads that by not winning this award after being nominated makes them SUPER unappreciated, or something similar. Yes, I’m looking at you r8drsuperstar! Well guess what? You’d all be wrong! Losing this award actually means that you ARE appreciated and NOT underrated! Duh! Although now that I think about it, not being the most underappreciated poster is pretty insulting. You know what, keep on keeping on.
Most Underrated/Underappreciated Poster of the Year
The Nominees:
- caribbeancool
- wantedbadass
- stevewille
- thejawas
- bolognasandwich
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
stevewille!
stevewille: Thank you, dear blog, for recognizing that you underappreciate me. This goes along nicely with my desire to be a victim in all areas of my life. I'm underappreciated at work, at home by my family and now, in my internet presence. Looks like Krowe and I will spend Wrestlemania wallowing in front of his underappreciated Wrestlemania stage. That is, if this WELPie can be melted down and the precious metals pawned for $35 so I can pay my fair share...
In all seriousness, though, thanks for recognizing me. Our little group has enabled me to let loose some angst during the five-ten minutes between sessions at work, laugh when I need to hear some "adult talk" when I'm parenting solo at home, and cultivate hobbies that aren't the most popular in society.
This year has been especially satisfying, as I was able to hang out with AND-AY and had a near-miss with noire, which will be rectified later this year, hopefully.
Thanks again!
Shatner: In completely unrelated news, I randomly received some Mega Block action figures in the mail the other day. Any idea who may want them? We now turn our attention to a darker side of the Blog: feuds. Yes, things aren’t all super friendly on the Blog of Doom. You have to pick a side. And if you pick Team Scotty/Sulu instead of Team Kirk/Spock, you lose! See, even Star Trek cast mates can feud. Just like you! And now, straight from the Place 2 Be Podcast, please welcome Justin and Scott!
[The P2B Podcast Intro hits the PA as Justin and Scott hit the stage to silence.]
Justin and Scott: Yo yo yo, what it is Doomies? We’re BACK, like it or not. It was about time for a new thread anyway, despite the last one going up just four hours ago and having two replies. But now it’s time to review the nominees for Feud of the Year!
The Nominees for Feud of the Year
January 1, 2012 – December 31, 2012
rspwfa2.livejournal.com
Page Views: 17,623
Posters: a_gladguy, jcdaredevil, jeditab, jasonkrowe, various supporting characters
Fun Fact: rspwfa2.livejournal.com, aka the Blog of Doom, was founded on August 31, 2006 as a spinoff to Scott Keith’s Blog of Doom. Some posters hated the format of Scott’s new Wordpress website and decided to keep the classic Livejournal look. And the posters did their best to keep the fledgling site afloat. Jope posted movie reviews while Tom Cruise performed the Tomathon. And Andy said "meh" a few times.
1) a_gladguy (Andy Halleen) vs. _____
Fun Fact II: This is the second year in a row that Andy vs. _____ has been nominated for a WELPie Award. The category took home the award last year.
Scott: In a continuation of what seems to be a neverending feud, Andy spent most of his 2012 taking on everything. I didn’t quite care for his employment struggles or his discussion about Buffalo Wild Wings trivia games, but his recaps of dates and women in general were awesome and historic. Now Andy won the WELPie for this same category and feud last year, beating out competition such as The Butlers vs. Sitcom Fans and Baddie vs. Cancer, and the competition is much harsher this year. Can Andy pull out another win? We’ll find out in our next review. Grade: 4
Justin: This really is the feud that never ends for the Blog of Doom, but Andy is always entertaining. His posts about going to the Buffalo Wild Wings weren’t always entertaining, but hearing about him going to bars and hitting on MILFs made me laugh so many times. As Justin mentioned, Andy won the award last year and is going for a repeat, and honestly I would be shocked if he won again. That doesn’t mean he isn’t entertaining though. Grade: 3.5
2) jasonkrowe’s (Jesselee Leachman) Wrestlemania Stage Lovers vs. Haters
Fun Fact III: On the 3/6 edition of the Chrononaut Chronicles, jasonkrowe revealed the final designs for his Wrestlemania XXVIII stage that was going to be used to surround his TV at his Wrestlemania party. He ended things by saying it was a tough job, but somebody had to do it. Shortly after, bolognasandwich appeared to tell him multiple times that nobody had to do it, each time putting an emphasis on a different word. Hamatosan later joined in on the ragging by telling Krowe to go get laid. The battle lines were drawn until Baddie stepped in and reprimanded the Blog for not being a paradise of positive thoughts.
Scott: It’s rare that we see a feud of this caliber so early on in a show and so far down the card, but if anyone was ready for the big time in 2012, it was jasonkrowe. Krowe has spent the last two WELPie Awards losing out on the Most Underappreciated Poster Award, and dubbing himself as a winner anyway, since losing the award makes him even less appreciated, apparently. But here he makes a statement that he is ready for the big time. This feud had everything, comedy, depression, graphic designs, you name it. You just can’t relive this feud without picking a side. Grade: 4.5
Justin: After losing the WELPie for Most Underappreciated Poster of the Year for two years in a row, Krowe set his sights on the big stage one fateful day in March 2012. Ready to prove that he was more than just a guy that nobody noticed, Krowe posted a picture of his design for his Wrestlemania party television stage, which elicited a huge reaction from the Blog, both positive and negative. The main heels were bolognasandwich, a_gladguy, and hamatosan, who decided to be dicks about the whole thing, while bad_subject came to Krowe’s rescue by pronouncing that the whole thing was unfair. After all, Krowe loved his stage and had the guts to go through with the whole project. Just an awesome feud that you’ll want to buy the DVD for and watch once a week. Grade: 4.5
3) Battle of the Fiestas: jcdaredevil (Joseph Stone) vs. jeditab (Travis Banks)
Fun Fact IV: On 9/9/2011, jeditab reinstated the dormant Friday Film Fiesta column, which had been given up by jcdaredevil earlier in the year. At the 37th Annual WELPie Awards on 3/17/2012, Jope won the WELPie for Most Underappreciated Poster of the Year. In his acceptance speech, he took a shot at the Jedi, claiming that his Fiestas were better because they did not resort to cheap gimmicks in order to elicit a reaction from the crowd. In the following weeks, Jeditab and Jope took small potshots at each other until the 5/5 Friday Film Fiesta. Jeditab had initially delayed the column so he could see a matinee showing of The Avengers, but Jope decided he would one-up the Jedi by posting the column himself. What followed was an all-out war that finally comes to a head here.
Scott: This one had all the setup to be a legacy-defining feud until the 5/13 Fiesta when jeditab “turned heel” on the Blog for supporting the previous week’s Jope-written Fiesta. Jeditab unleashed a terribly written tirade, blasting his readers and basically forcing them to pick a side. What should have been an epic moment in Blog of Doom history is basically an afterthought now thanks to Jeditab’s horrific use of the English language. Then for some reason Jeditab began lumping our columns in with the Jope Fiesta potshots, claiming that we were posting them too soon after the Fiesta went up. Let me tell you something Jeditab, three hours is long enough for a new thread. Everything Jeditab does here is lazy and unmotivated, and he singlehandedly ruined our columns, forcing us to relocate to Scott Keith’s Blog. Grade: 0.5
Justin: I usually try not to be biased in these reviews but I’ll just come out and say it: FUCK JEDITAB. I seriously couldn’t stand the guy in 2012. He took what could have been a name-making feud with Jope over the Fiesta and wound up guaranteeing he would never write a column outside of the Blog of Doom. Seriously, the workrate and professionalism displayed (or not displayed) by Jeditab here is akin to the Undertaker from 2001 to 2003. I mention professionalism because he also unleashed a tirade on Scott and myself for posting our podcast hype threads an hour after the Fiesta went up. Note to Jeditab: there is a reason we never invited you to do any college sports podcasts. I feel bad for Jope here for getting dragged down and having to carry Jeditab’s punk ass. Grade: 0.5
4) The Dark Knight Rises Lovers vs. Haters
Fun Fact V: The Dark Knight Rises was released on 7/18. Throughout the weekend, members of the Blog headed out to their local movie theaters to watch the movie, and seemed to have split opinions on how good the movie was. Some called it great, while others claimed The Avengers was better and that this was the weakest of the trilogy.
Scott: This is one feud that doesn’t really hold up well, in my opinion. Ignoring the movie shooting tragedy, this feud could have been something, but it was more of a peaceful discussion. Everybody who saw the movie and had an opinion explained why they liked or disliked the film, with honest, thought out opinions and honest, thought out responses, with absolutely zero name calling. Again, it was a family friendly feud but just not that exciting. Grade: 2.0
Justin: As Scott said, the effort was here for this feud, but the fire wasn’t. Where was the name calling? Where were the shots? Just a lackluster effort by everyone involved, although the discussions and opinions were all very well thought out. There’s just not much you can gather from this one. Grade: 2.5
5) glenniebun (Glenn Butler) and John Cena fans vs. hitmanclark (Greg Phillips) and Rock fans
Fun Fact VI: Throughout 2011, WWE began building to the Rock vs. John Cena at Wrestlemania XXVIII. The Glennster made it abundantly clear that he did not care for the Rock coming back to wrestling on a part time basis and stealing the spotlight from the hard working full timers. Rock fans on the Blog were flabbergasted, and began to question whether or not Glennie really was the idol they had looked up to since 2006.
Scott: First of all let me just throw it out there that I am a huge Triple H fan, so I have never cared for the Rock, so kudos to Glenn for having the testicular fortitude, so to speak, to call out the Rock on all of his bullshit. I was firmly entrenched on the Glenn/Cena fans side of things, and boy was it an epic war of words. Cena is just a harder working guy overall and has busted his ass to make it where he is, even going so far as to sacrifice his marriage to keep his spot in WWE. Grade: 4
Justin: Unlike Scott, I was a massive Rock fan and personally attended some WWE shows to cheer him, just like when I was at the 1994 Royal Rumble and single handedly saved Diesel’s job by loudly cheering for him. I’m sorry but anyone watching the WWE (then WWF) in the late 90’s knows how awesome Rocky is, and knows how lame Cena is. I liked Cena until 2008 when he came back from injury and appeared to just give zero shits about anything. He really dragged Rocky down here too, by the way. I lost a lot of respect for the Butler brothers during this feud, but thankfully we no longer have to read those Wednesday Walks after moving on to Scott Keith’s Blog. Grade: 3.5
Final Analysis
Scott: What a year for Blog of Doom feuds! If you weren’t involved in a feud then you just weren’t participating at all, and for that, shame on you. I thought that the Krowe Stage feud was honestly the highlight of the year since it led to a patented Baddie "hug out" afterwards. Cena Fans vs. Rock Fans and the Dark Knight Rises feuds were perfectly acceptable midcard filler, and Andy vs. Everything had, well, everything as all. The biggest letdown, however, was the Battle of the Fiestas. Such a large amount of money was put into the feud and thanks to Jeditab, almost none of it was recouped. Great job, dumbass, nice of you to put the Blog over. Final Grade: B
Justin: Well I must admit I was disappointed in this year of feuds. Other than the Krowe Stage feud, everything was a disappointment to me. The Butlers showed their true colors, and the feud over Rock or Cena ended up causing Scott to leave the Blog forever, and it’s always a shame to lose great posters because of stupidity. Andy vs. the World is consistent but what did he do this year? Eat Buffalo wings and have sex with divorcees? As he usually puts it, meh. The Dark Knight feud was too forgettable in the first place, and has a darker tone to it anyway thanks to James Holmes and the Aurora, CO massacre. Speaking of James Holmes, his online counterpart jeditab completely fucked up a surefire feud of the year in the Battle of the Fiestas. And because of his laziness, lack of creativity, and unprofessionalism, he lost Justin and Scott as well. Nice going. Final Grade: C-
MVP: jasonkrowe
Runner Up: jcdaredevil and a_gladguy
Non MVP: jeditab
Runner Up: bolognasandwich and hamatosan
Shatner: Umm, holy Jesus, guys, it’s been TWO HOURS. Let’s wrap things up, shall we?
Feud of the Year
The Nominees:
- Battle of the Fiestas: jcdaredevil vs. jeditab
- Krowe’s Stage Lovers vs. Haters
- Andy vs. ____
- Cena Fans vs. Rock Fans
- The Dark Knight Rises Lovers vs. Haters
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
& 
The Battle of the Fiestas!
jeditab: What the hell was that? Seriously? Did you guys seriously just refer to me as James Holmes’ online counterpart? You know you guys have a LOT of nerve. First of all you guys have left the Blog and come back more than Andy has, and you think your reviews and podcasts are the shit. Guess what? THEY’RE LONG AS HELL. Plus you guys decided to shit all over my Fiestas by posting stupid ass hype threads for your lame podcasts mere hours after Glenn posted the Fiesta. We came to an agreement that MMA Thriday would go up late on Thursday and my Fiestas would be posted around the time Smackdown ended, so MMA Thriday would get views and responses. Obviously you guys have no respect for your once-fellow "Doomies."
jcdaredevil: Shut up! Sheesh, all you ever do is talk. You remind me of the main character from the movie "Chatterbox." Which is funny because that’s not even a horror movie. It’s a porno about a talking vagina. So basically, you’re a talking vagina. And don’t be hating on Justin and Scott, they were gracious enough to have me on one of their film preview podcasts.
Justin: Actually, that was one of our worst shows.
Scott: Yeah, what was up with all of those lame jokes, obscure references and short, sweet, to-the-point sentences and answers? You have to drag things out forever if you want to hang with us.
[Jope and the Tabber look at each other, nod, and then deliver simultaneous clotheslines to Justin and Scott. They look over at a dumpster that has randomly appeared at the side of the stage, look at each other and nod again, and then toss Justin and Scott into the dumpster. They then produce bumper stickers that say "Please Deliver to Scott Keith’s Blog of Doom" and place them all over the dumpster, pushing it out of the arena.]
jeditab: Jope, I can’t stay mad at you. In fact, I got you something.
[Jeditab produces a Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack of a special edition of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.]
jcdaredevil: That’s funny, because I got you something too.
[Jope produces a Blu-Ray copy of the original, unedited Star Wars trilogy. The two hug it out after Baddie starts a "Hug It Out" chant, to the delight of everyone in the crowd.]
Shatner:: *sniff* Kinda brings a tear to your eye. At least it would mine if I were more feminine! Oh, what’s this salty discharge coming out of my eyes you ask? It’s my built-in makeup remover! See, all actors wear makeup and need to have it removed lest we wind up with hideous acne or other skin problems. So you have to remove your makeup at some point! It’s not crying! CUT TO THE NEXT AWARD!
Regular Column/Segment of the Year
The Nominees:
- The cWo Wrestler of the Week
- Chrononaut Chronicles
- Wednesday Walk Around the Web
- MMA Thriday
- Friday Film Fiesta
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
The cWo Wrestler of the Week!
glenniebun: People who deserve more credit than I do for this:
- BADDIE, who started this thing, who would still be doing it if we lived in an alternate universe slightly better than our own.
- An-Day, without whose whipping for votes a lot of installments would have had no content, and without whose intros no installments would have content. Thankfully he has been fully vindicated with the near-unanimous love of the Bully. That Sour Andy is also the only person in this season of the WOTW who's voted every. single. week. So praise be unto him for that.
- The people who vote the most: HMC, Steve, R8dr, The Family Stone, and everyone else. We need more too!
*playoff music begins, courtesy of ThemeRaider(TM)*
I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK THE WELPIE ACADEMY, AND MY HIGH SCHOOL MATH TEACHER MRS. BONNANO, AND BASEMENT JOPE FOR CORRECTING MY ADDITION, AND—
*pulled off stage, thrown into abyss. No, not Abyss.*
Shatner: You fools! What are you doing? That’s Blog Hero Glenn! You can’t just throw him off the stage like that!
[Shatner attacks the security dragging Glenn off the stage in a 1960’s Star Trek manner, with Glenn joining in. After not too long, security runs away, having been overpowered by the Mega Powers 2K13. The two embrace in a hug as the crowd cheers.]
Shatner: Hey Glennie, I have another surprise for ya!
The fos4545 Lifetime Achievement Award
The Nominees:
- glenniebun
- bad_subject
- x_pac_heat
- jcdaredevil
- noiretblanc
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
glenniebun!
glenniebun: Welp, I can now retire to my Italian villa secure in the knowledge that my life has amounted to something. I shall make sure to send missives via pageboy when interesting links are spotted on the internet. Thank you Bill Kurtis for the internet.
Shatner: Oh, that Glenn! Ain’t he great? But while Glenn will continue to stick around the Blog, some great things must come to the end. Yes, we’re approaching the end of this award show. This is it. THE award. Poster of the year. This is the man who has, throughout the entire past year, entertained you while at the same time providing thought provoking discussions and responses. To be the man, you have to beat the man, or so I’ve heard from some unimportant guy. So, let’s see it. Who is the 2012-13 Poster of the Year?
The Most Incredibly Insightful Poster aka Poster of the Year
The Nominees:
- a_gladguy
- jeditab
- jdisbfp
- hitmanclark
- r8drsuperstar
And the WELPie goes to...
.
.
.
hitmanclark!
hitmanclark: Oh snap! When the Tabber told me I'd just won Poster of the Year, the most prestigious WELPie of them all, I was stunned!
Then he told me there was no actual physical award or any kind of financial reward.
However, when I sit down and think about this achievement, I can only express my thoughts through a wrestling promo.
Y'know, I've been blogging and posting for a long time around these parts. I've seen people come and go, and I've outlasted 'em all. From Supertaker (*pop*) to Yagobo (*boos*) to Juices_World (...) to our venerable leader, Tom Cruise himself (*mega pop of doom*) ... All of them have left while I've stayed right here. I was just a boy when I typed my ode to Mr. Cruise. I became a man during the great "The Rock said 'Bitch'" debate of 2011. And now, after all this time, the boyhood dream has finally come true. I've joined the ranks of such champions, such leaders, such trailblazers as Glenn "Glennie 'Glenniebun' Bun" Butler and "Bad" Adam J. Subject! And we sit alone atop the throne, looking down at those of you who, when push came to shove, just couldn't get the job done.
Fanontheverge, you've been "on the verge" for years now. Yet you still can't get to that elusive top of the mountain, can you? Jeditab, your Friday Film Fiesta is no longer a party. It's more like going on a date the same night you've contracted a debilitating stomach virus. JCdaredevil, no matter how daring you are, you can't pull the trigger when it counts. Noir the Blank, you're a top contender, and you're one of the toughest opponents I've ever encountered, but when the lights shine brightest, you fade into that magical land called Bolivion. Flipflopnfly, you've flipflopandflown the coop too many times to count! And unlike rulebreakers like Wantedbadass, I didn't have to resort to performance-enhancing drugs to claim my fictitious prize. Balognasandwich tastes more like a meatball hoagie, and I know from personal experience. Andy, you're no savage, you're more like a miscreant, begging and pleading for morsels of food to be dropped from the mouths of your superiors, the new holy triumvirate of the cWo.
What you people need to understand is that only we know what's best for you. We know your strengths. We know your weaknesses. We are watching you. We are in control.
So what I suggest you do is continue to live your lives, type your tales and post your gifs. Just know that each time you do so, you're further exposing the blog's very own Cody Line. And now for my catch phrase. I'M HITMANCLARK, AND I'M ... A PERSON WHO DOES THINGS!
Now to take my oath.
Love you all!
[Confetti begins showering the stage and crowd while HMC stays on stage and waves and blows kisses to the crowd. Suddenly all of the posters of the Blog make their way to the stage and throw HMC onto their shoulders, hoisting him up in victory. Rip Em gives HMC a thumbs up, having received his comeuppance with HMC winning a WELPie. HMC continues to celebrate and does snow angels in the pile of confetti as the crowd throws streamers onstage.]
Shatner: WELP, what else can be said? The 3rd Annual WELPie Awards have come to an end, and the results may or may not be shocking. We laughed, we cried, we might have been reading this while sitting on the toilet! But in the end, LOVEBOMBS were dropped and HATE was RISEN ABOVE. We’ll see you guys next year for a show that will probably be written by me. Will it be better than this show? Worse than last year’s? Worse than Amish’s debut show? We’ll answer these questions and many, many more next year, same Blog o’ Doom time, same Blog o’ Doom channel!
a_gladguy: Hey, here I am! I’ve decided the Blog doesn’t suck anymore! What did I miss? Did I win a WELPie?
Shatner: Two! But we’re out of time! Goodnight everybody!
a_gladguy: Wait, what? NO WAIT I –
No comments:
Post a Comment