Short intro this week as I’m trying to prevent writers block from hitting after handling the So Bad, Dudes tournament all week. Let’s get to things!
Last week I asked you which of the Alien movies is the best, and 57% of you voted Alien.
-- Box Office News: Despite big earnings from both movies, Madagascar 3 beats out Prometheus, proving that KIDS = MONEY
-- Trailer Time: Not much in the way of trailers this week. There’s a new international trailer for the new Quentin Tarantino film Django Unchained, and if you like movies where Matthew McConaughey gets nekkid, well I guess you can watch Magic Mike
-- In Theaters This Week: Rock of Ages and That’s My Boy
-- Next Week’s Notable DVD Releases: Project X, Big Miracle and Wanderlust
We begin with the usual links from our friendly neighborhood Glenn:
-- Retro Prometheus Poster
-- Horror movies are bad, sez 20/20
-- In honor of Father’s Day, Screened takes a look at the best and worst fathers in film. IMDB also has some last minute gift ideas related to movies
-- Mrs. Doubtfire as a horror movie?
-- Christopher Nolan speaks! I, for one, like what he has to say
-- Coming Soon to Theaters: Tonka Trucks?
-- Here’s an animated companion short to Moonrise Kingdom
-- Vanity Fair gathers 116 actors for a photo to celebrate Paramount’s 100th Anniversary
-- ROBOT HOUUUUUSE!!!
-- Roundtable! NAO!
-- There might exist an Avengers director’s cut. Glenn sends along a supplemental link
-- Two new films are getting IMAXed
-- Update on World War Z
-- FINALLY
-- Are these the fifty best first lines in film?
-- In TV news, Weeds has been canceled
We'll skip the poll this week so we can move right along to the unveiling of the final bracket of the So Bad, Dudes Tournament!
VS. 
[1] HEIDENREICH VS. [16] BOB HOLLY
The overall number four seed leads this bracket. Heidenreich was first unleashed in 2003, when he appeared on RAW asking everybody if they wanted to meet Lil’ Johnny. Apparently the only person who took him up on that offer was Trish Stratus. He then returned in 2004 with Paul Heyman as his manager, but now he was psycho and read poems and such. After a face turn where he asked everybody to be his friend, Heidenreich formed a tag team with Road Warrior Animal where they stunk up the joint. Heidenreich hasn’t been seen since he left to help his family relocate from N’awlins after Hurricane Katrina. His opponent is the 16th seeded Bob Holly, who was a race car driver named Sparky Plugg until he became hardcore by fighting Al Snow in the Mississippi River. He stuck around forever having very little memorable moments. He also has a reputation for being a bully, beating up Rene Dupree, a guy from Tough Enough and probably other people just because they pissed him off.
VS. 
[8] ZACH GOWEN VS. [9] KANE
The eighth seed is the one legged wrestler Zach Gowen. Gowen lost his leg to cancer at a very early age and decided to become a wrestler anyway. After a few matches with TNA, he caught the eye of WWE and was immediately placed in main event angles with Brock Lesnar and Vince McMahon. He won only one match in WWE, against Matt Hardy, and was shunned aside after developing a big ego. His opponent is much more famous and controversial. Kane went through a number of crappy gimmicks, most notably Jerry Lawler’s evil dentist Isaac Yankem, before landing a money one as the Undertaker’s masked, burned brother. He wore a mask and was pretty badass until 2002 when it was revealed he murdered Katie Vick and then had sex with her corpse. He was unmasked the following year, leading to him burning Jim Ross and electrocuting Shane McMahon’s balls. They also had a weird dinner together on one episode of Raw. The past few years for Kane blur together for me, but recently he’s made a comeback with a new mask, telling people to embrace the hate.
VS. 
[5] SYLVAN GRENIER VS. [12] THE GODFATHER/PAPA SHANGO
THE WORLD IS SYLVAN! Our fifth seed debuted in WWE in 2003 as an EVIL REFEREE who screwed over Hulk Hogan in his No Way Out 2003 rematch vs. The Rock. He was never heard from again until April 2003 when he debuted on Raw as a member of the French tag team La Resistance with Rene Dupree. They stunk up the joint like mad, and Sylvan continued to do so on Raw after Dupree was drafted to SmackDown. 2005 saw Sylvan head to the Blue Show where he became a model and then a Quebec Ambassador. He was finally let go in 2007. His opponent will be the first to tell you that Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy. Papa Shango hit the scene in the early 90s as a voodoo master who made the Ultimate Warrior vomit. He was repackaged as Kama the Supreme Fighting Machine and joined the Nation of Domination. Following the demise of that group, he was repackaged as the fan favorite Godfather, bringing lots of scantily clad women to the ring with him. This went on until he became the Right to Censor’s Goodfather, and was slowly phased out following the RTC’s disintegration. Will the round of 32 be pro-France or will the round of 32 hop aboard the Hoe Train?
VS. 
[4] THE HARRIS BROTHERS VS. [13] MATT MORGAN
The Harris Brothers set the standard for “terrible twin lookalike tag teams” that have plagued wrestling since the arrival of the Harrii. They have been through multiple gimmicks, all of them having the lone result of suck. Matt Morgan, dubbed a future star by Jim Cornette, was around WWE for a total of perhaps 4 months, his most memorable being when he was the stuttering bodyguard for Carlito Caribbean Cool. He then went to TNA where he was Jim Cornette’s bodyguard and earned the nicknames “The Blueprint” and “The DNA of TNA.” Which of these non-memorable characters will make their way to the next round?
VS. 
[6] PRINCE IAUKEA VS. [11] SHAWN STASIAK
Another WCW 2000 midcard dream match come to life! Prince Iaukea was WCW’s answer to Rocky Maivia, except he really, really sucked. The peak of his career came when Chris Jericho called him “Prince Nakamaki” on an episode of Nitro. After the arrival of Vince Russo, he was given Booker T’s future wife Sharmell as a valet and became The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea, becoming the first Cruiserweight Champion who performed exactly zero Cruiserweight moves. His opponent is Shawn Stasiak, who debuted in the WWF as Meat, a sex slave for PMS. He wrestled with a boner, an act later duplicated by Rene Dupree years later. After being fired for taping conversations backstage, he found his way to WCW during the New Blood era, where he feuded with Curt Hennig and called himself “PerfectShawn” Shawn Stasiak. After that flop, he was paired with the Natural Born Thrillers, and later with Stacy Kiebler as “Shawn the Star.” Following the purchase of WCW, he was back in the WWF where he was a psycho who hailed from Planet Stasiak. If you don’t vote him through, he might call you a bit craziak!
VS. 
[3] JOHN CENA VS. [14] TED ARCIDI
Our number three seed of this bracket is a controversial one. Coincidentally enough, John Cena is ONE OF WRESTLING’S MOST CONTROVERSIAL SUPERSTARS! Welp, since I’d rather get to you guys bitching about why Cena is on this list, I’ll make his bio short. He was basically about to get cut from the roster until he dressed as Vanilla Ice on a Halloween themed Smackdown. From there he became a rapper and the rest is history. Now on to Ted Arcidi. I literally had never heard of him before this tournament. Wikipedia says he was a powerlifter or something. So here’s Our Boy Andy for some comments: I believe this dude was so bad that he couldn’t even afford a decent pair of wrestling boots. He wrestled in his Payless Shoes and a generic singlet, so maybe he was going for high school gymnasium-chic. WELP.
VS. 
[7] VINCE RUSSO VS. [10] CURTIS HUGHES
Bet you were wondering when Russo would make it! We all know his story. He managed a video store that was put out of business by Blockbuster, and eventually found a job writing articles for WWF Magazine. He was promoted to the editor and eventually wrote promos for TV shows. In 1997 he was promoted to head of creative and ushered in the Attitude Era. In 1999, citing burnout and disputes with Vince McMahon, he left for WCW, where he caused them to lose $60 million in 2000. The company closed up shop in March 2001. Russo later found his way to TNA where he once again was the head booker. TNA was good in 2005 and 2006. ENTER VINCE RUSSO. He was fired in 2012 and TNA got good again. WELP. His opponent is Curtis Hughes, who I only remember from his two week stint managing Triple H in 1997 and his two week stint managing Chris Jericho in 1999. Apparently he’s just a big fat black guy, so yeah. WHO WILL REIGN SUPREME?
VS. 
[2] ORLANDO JORDAN VS. [15] HILLBILLY JIM
Ah, Orlando Jordan. Debuted as a Velocity mainstay until John Cena called him a Billy Blanks Lookalike Bitch. He was shipped back to Velocity until randomly becoming JBL’s Chief of Staff one day. He somehow became the United States Champion, which during the 2005 WWE Draft meant that he was the top champion on SmackDown. He had horrible PPV matches with Heidenreich and Chris Benoit, and lost the title in 20 seconds to Benoit at Summerslam. He was released shortly after and made his way to TNA in 2010 as a bisexual who was down to fuck. And while searching for a picture to use for this tournament, I was exposed to Orlando Jordan naked pictures. What has been seen cannot be unseen, so while I gauge my eyes out, here’s Our Boy Andy to talk about Hillbilly Jim: Vince sure had a weird fixation for hillbillies it seems. Was it he trying to get more in tune with who he perceived most wrestling fans to be or was this some type of rib on Southern wrestling? No one will ever know. What we do know is that Hillbilly Jim was not anyone’s definition of entertaining. Now I can’t get Vince’s awful “yuck yuck” laugh out of my head that he’d make whenever Jim brought a brought a pig to the ring. Great glorious galoo!
And there we have it! Which of these 64 wrestlers will become the Baddest Dude in Wrestling? Only YOU can decide! Send in your votes via Facebook or to tbanks531 AT gmail DOT com by Midnight on Saturday June 16! Late votes WILL NOT BE COUNTED (though I will allow for time zone differences), nor will votes posted solely on the Blog count.
SO BAD, DUDE!
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