Here's some truly terrible stuff I wrote during down periods at work. They got a total of 7 upvotes, so you know it's good!
Vince Russo Rebooks Raw!
Sasha Banks comes to the ring and announces that the fans will NEVER see her in her bra and panties. Crowd boos and chants "slut" at her. Dana Brooke comes out and shows GTV footage of Sasha buying lingerie at a store and challenges Sasha to a bra and panties match. Sasha agrees and quickly strips Dana, who is wearing a thong. Embarrassed, Dana runs up the ramp.
Jerry Lawler comes to the ring to interview Sasha. "Well I guess you were right!" "Jerry, I didn't get to finish my sentence. Nobody will ever see me in my bra and panties... because I don't wear any!" Stripper music plays and Sasha starts to remove her shirt but is quickly covered up by referees and ring crew.
Lawler faints and doesn't get up. EMTs come to revive him and it's revealed he had a heart attack. "This is as real as real can be" says Corey Graves. "Quite possibly the most real moment in the history of Raw" touts Michael Cole.
As Lawler is loaded into an ambulance, we cut backstage to see a brawl between Bo Dallas and Sin Cara being broken up.
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Vince Russo Rebooks Smackdown!
Daniel Bryan opens the show with the new SD Women's Title, which is shaped like a brassiere. He hypes the Six Pack Challenge Bra and Panties Title on a Pole match and explains the rules: The match starts with all 6 women, but when a Diva removes another Diva's shirt or pants, she gets a chance to climb up and grab the title from the pole. If a Diva is stripped to her Bra and Panties, she has to pin another Diva to attempt to grab the title. If a Diva is pinned, she is eliminated from the match.
Nikki Bella, Becky Lynch, and Naomi come out and remind everyone that their stable, Totally Hot Ordinary New Girls, or THONG, has the best ASSets in the company, and they can't wait to be stripped to their panties on Sunday. Alexa Bliss, Natalya, and Carmella come out and claim that their stable, Beautiful Resilient Extraordinary Amazing Stupendous Terrific Sisters, or BREASTS, has the best puppies in the company. End result is a catfight where THONG is embarrassed by having their shirts ripped off, and BREASTS is embarrassed by being stripped of their pants.
In the catfight, Nikki Bella actually falls onto Daniel Bryan in a compromising position. Bryan calls her Brie and kisses her, which Nikki doesn't fight out. Daniel can't get out of the ring, however, and the show stops as EMTs hit the ring and reveal Bryan hit his head in the melee and might have Post Concussion Syndrome. "This is perhaps the most realistic moment in 17 years of Smackdown" says Mauro. As Bryan is loaded into the ambulance, he's assaulted by Brie, who also attacks Nikki. As this fight is broken up, a fight between Baron Corbin and Dolph Ziggler is broken up after both throw each other through a wall.
