Friday, January 27, 2012

Friday Film FiMEHsta

Welcome to the RETURN of the Friday Film Fiesta!

S.O.P.A. is dead (for now), and thus the Cinematic Sopapilla is also dead due to lack of sponsorship money. And you people WONDER why I had to sell this column out to Transformers, Green Lantern, and Burger King last year?

Last week Lamar S. Smith asked you how awesome S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A. are, but if he can answer my poll, then I can answer his; they both suck.

-- Box Office News: Kate Beckinsale + tight leather = MONEY
-- Trailer Time: Finding North, Darling Companion, Black Gold, Seeking Justice, Brake, Red Lights, Price Check, Lockout, and Mirror Mirror
-- In Theaters This Week: The Grey, Man on a Ledge, and One for the Money
-- Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: In Time, Drive, Dream House, The Thing, and The Big Year

Once again, we begin with some "What If?" links sent in by Glenniebun (REAL MEN use usernames!):
-- What if modern movies were made in a different era?
-- What if Gonzo directed a Muppet Movie?
-- What if some dude remade Star Wars?

-- Academy Award nominees have been announced! What about those WELPies?
-- Speaking of the Academy Awards, what if the posters of the nominated movies told the truth?
-- Netflix is doing just fine, thanks
-- What were IMDB's most viewed pages of the last decade?
-- The Crow is being remade
-- Here are a slew of images from The Avengers!
-- Attention Andy, get to L.A. to see RangOWN again!
-- I thought Justin Bieber was remaking Back to the Future?
-- What is a member of the Wolf Pack worth?
-- Patton Oswald isn't happy about his movie being snubbed by the Oscars, so what does he do? Why, Tweet, of course!
-- Here is a sneak peek of the PG-13 Expendables 2!
-- This news about Monty Python might do something for someone out there
-- Bueller? BUELLER?!?
-- Will ANYTHING top Charlton Heston?
-- Ugh
-- Here's some viral stuff for MIB3D
-- And here is the official synopsis for The Amazing Spider-Man

I'm embarrassed to say there will be no poll this week; I simply cannot think of a damn thing to ask.

Have a good weekend, folks!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Let's Get Comical!

Welcome to another edition of Let’s Get Comical!

We have a big week this week, with lots of highly anticipated titles, including pretty much all of my favorite series! NINE reviews in all this week, so let’s get right to it!

Purchased This Week (1/18/12): Amazing Spider-Man #678, Avenging Spider-Man #3, Batman #5, Daredevil #8, Nightwing #5, Ultimate Spider-Man #6, and Uncanny X-Men #5

Also Purchased This Week: Older comics Batwoman #2, Batwoman #3, Batwoman #4, Daredevil #5, and Daredevil #6!

Friday, January 20, 2012

S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A. Proudly Present: The Cinematic Sopapilla!

(Content Note: Please do not view the Mixed Martial Arts column below, as it features copyrighted material that will cause this Web site to shut down once S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A. pass)


Greetings, Blog of Doom Members and Savio Vega fans!

My name is Representative Lamar S. Smith, House Judiciary Committee Chair Representative and Republican out of the great state of Texas. I understand that this column space is normally dedicated to a Hispanic movie party column written by Travis Banks (What kind of coward hides behind a username? Allow me to reveal your real name to the world for you.), but he is against my precious Stop Online Piracy Act, so I traveled back to my home state to deliver a bottom whipping personally.

Well, I did not deliver the whipping personally, as I am a very busy man. (After all, SOMEONE has to take those heavy dollar sign bags from Hollywood executives.) But rest assured Mr. Banks was dealt with by my personal assistants. Who you ask?

PERSONAL. ASSISTANTS.

See, the words were different, so you cannot claim that I am infringing on the copyright of the 1981 hit film Raiders of the Lost Ark. Too bad, so sad, opponents of S.O.P.A.

Nevertheless, while Mr. Banks is being disposed of, I will be taking over the column this week. I truly hope you all enjoy the Cinematic Sopapilla, presented by S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A.!

- Lamar S. Smith (R-TX)


Last week Mr. Banks held a poll asking you which irrelevant comedy movie you wanted to see FOX make an animated sitcom about, and I answered that there should be no new television shows because you would all pirate them illegally over the Internet. You are very welcome.

-- Box Office News: Moviegoers honored Dr. Martin Luther King Junior's dream of seeing S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A. passed by paying to watch movies legally in theaters and not pirating them illegally over the Internet.
-- Trailer Time has been canceled this week since all of the websites contain copyrighted trailers.
-- In Theaters (Not the Internet) This Week: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Haywire, Red Tails, and Underworld: Awakening
-- Next Week's Notable DVD (Not Illegal Torrent) Releases: Real Steel (please do not really steal it), 50/50, and The Whistleblower

Savio Vega Fan Glenn (Again, why do you cowards hide behind usernames?) sends along the following links:
-- How Stanley Kubrick accidentally created the modern day box office. Did you notice how he did it without the assistance of the Internet?
-- CBS has greenlit a new television program, a modern day Sherlock Holmes. Hopefully nobody tries to view it illegally over the Internet.

-- The Expendables 2 will have a PG-13 rating thanks to Chuck Norris. Sylvester Stallone confirms. However, Mr. Norris is a fall guy; the movie will have a PG-13 rating so that you will not illegally download it.
-- George Lucas is retiring. Yes, it has everything to do with you illegally downloading the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy. Which I want to point out were all fine films. I cannot get enough of that Jar Jar Binks character.
-- Apparently this blog held a summer festival honoring Quentin Tarantino. Mr. Tarantino has revealed his list of the best and worst films of 2011, all of which I can assure you he saw legally in theaters.
-- Cracked brings you a list of movie scenes that happened in real life. Remind me to shut that Web site down for posting copyrighted photographs and videos.
-- Untitled Star Trek Sequel and Untitled Deadpool Movie have both secretly begun filming, presumably so that you will not be tempted to illegally download them.
-- The Hunger Games has not even been released, but they are already planning for a sequel. They can do this because they have no fear of losing money on the movie due to illegal downloads over the Internet. Thank you once again, S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A. and Representative Smith!
-- More details about Skyfall 007 have been released. This movie comes to theaters, not computers, this fall.
-- If you like Twilight as much as I do, you will want to be at Target when the DVD is released. Not just to legally purchase it, but to get a preview of the next film in the series. And don't even think about trying to have sex with all of the underaged girls, perverts.
-- We will soon have a film based on the Goosebumps book series. I have fond memories of reading these books to children in the 1990s, a simpler time when you could not log on to the Internet and steal other people's intellectual property. I hope people remember those good times when they pay money to watch this film.
-- Kristen Wiig will not be starring in anymore Bridesmaids movies, because you all illegally downloaded the first one.
-- Here is a synopsis for the new Total Recall film, which I assume many people will pay to watch legally.
-- Will and Jaden Smith team up once again to star in a new M. Night Shyamalan film. I love Shyamalan's movies. They all have extremely clever twists and turns and swerves that I can never see coming. I should also note that I have seen every one of Shyamalan's movies either in theaters or purchased the home video.
-- This is why I hate the Internet: Spoilers are everywhere. As is intellectual property theft. What are we, China?

And with that, we come to the end of the first ever Cinematic Sopapilla! I understand there is typically a poll held at the end of every column, and I will oblige to your wishes.



How awesome are S.O.P.A. and P.I.P.A.?
Eh Awesome
Awesome
Very Awesome
Extremely Awesome



Thank you once again for reading the Cinematic Sopapilla. I know that there are a very small number of people out there that oppose my bill, and I would just like to ask that you please not write your Congressmen about them. We are very busy counting the large amounts of bribes we receive each and every day, and we don't have time to delete all of the spam e-mails and throw the letters in the garbage receptacle. Thank you for your understanding, and I will see you next week!

Lamar S. Smith

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

FFF Canceled

Effective immediately, the Friday Film Fiesta has been canceled, and a new Mexican themed column will be taking its place. More details to come in 48 hours..

Friday, January 13, 2012

Napoleon Dynamite 2004 Nostalgia Fiesta!

It's Friday once again, which means that I'm probably going to Drunk Tweet tonight! TWO PEOPLE still find it entertaining, so hey!

Oh yeah, in honor of FOX's new, hip Napoleon Dynamite cartoon premiering this weekend, I hereby declare this to be 2004 NOSTALGIA WEEKEND~!!! I personally will be watching Chapelle Show, playing Halo 2 on the original Xbox, and hitting up Scott Keith's new blog (rspwfaq.livejournal.com) to bitch about the burials of Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero following Wrestlemania XX. How will you be celebrating?

Last week I asked you which movie you were most looking forward to in 2012, and the majority answered The Dark Knight Rises, although Other put up a good fight. In my ignorance, I left off The Hobbit, so we'll just pretend that that's what people were voting for instead of Other.



-- Box Office News: Moviegoers get inside The Devil Inside, which almost breaks some records!
-- Trailer Time: ATM, Friends With Kids, LOL, Moonrise Kingdom, The Front Line, Battle Royale, and Djinn
-- In Theaters This Week: Contraband, Beauty and the Beast 3D, and Interracial Couple Singing Comedy Slash Tragedy #725963, or as the media has been promoting it, Joyful Noise
-- Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: The Ides of March, Courageous, and Abduction

We begin with more submissions from Glenn, and a rant: Glenn is the only person who emails me links! I KNOW you guys encounter hilarious movie related links that could be added to the ole FFF! To quote some other column on here, GET IN ON THE GAME.

tbanks531 AT gmail DOT com

Anyway, from Glenn:
-- An update on the Chris Benoit movie. Exactly what are these conspiracy theories involving Triple H and Kurt Angle?
-- Documentaries need lovin' too!
-- This one is for all you Michael Cera Hataz

-- MORE Box Office News: Paramount takes 2011 by storm
-- Universal is making plans for its 100th Anniversary
-- This Week in New Movies With Unoriginal Plots: Maleficent, Pinocchio, 24 and Party Down, and Police Academy!
-- BOOBIES
-- George Clooney set to tackle the Nazis
-- The success of The Devil Inside is bringing us The Vatican. Thanks a lot, America.
-- A-Team 2 is a no, but Narc 2 is a go?
-- Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters has been pushed WAY BACK
-- Speaking of pushed WAY BACK, Avatar sequels!
-- Nominations for the Directors Guild Awards have been announced
-- Use Netflix? You might be waiting a while for new Warner Bros releases
-- Which studios are planning Super Bowl ads?
-- Remember The Lion King Rises from last week? Get ready for WALL-Etheus
-- Get ready for Dracula on TV!
-- No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOO.

And that brings us to this week's poll.



Which irrelevant comedy should be given an animated series on FOX?
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Weekend at Bernie's
Biodome
Superbad
Juno
Jack and Jill
Other


Thursday, January 12, 2012

Let's Get Comical!

“You have a healthy mix of Marvel and DC on your pull list!” – Capstone Comics cashier

Welcome to yet another column where I review comics! I’m trying to get this posted THIS week instead of next week, so LEGGO!

I’ve decided to add a new feature: listing my purchases for the week. No real reason for doing this other than I wanted to start keeping tabs on when specific comics are released. Sometimes I purposely hold back comic reviews (like Fantastic Four #600 and this week, Batwoman until I can catch up), and I want to know just HOW long I’ve been putting them off. Plus, sometimes I get nostalgic and want to see when certain books were released. Lame, I know.

Officially dropped from the pull list this week was Wolverine and the X-Men. If I start hearing good things about it then maybe I’ll pick it back up, but it’s history for now, and you’re safe from its terror. Funny story, when I went to drop, the owner of the shop was working the register and commented on how I was the second person that day to drop the series. He asked what was wrong with it, and I chuckled, just mentioning the same thing I talked about here; the artwork is awful and the layout sucks, and it all combines for an overall uncomfortable experience.

I guess you can say that I’m talking comics now, and you may officially call me a geek.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Let's Get Comical!

Welcome to the Lucky Number 13 edition of Let’s Get Comical!

I’m still a week behind despite this week having a light load of comics. But this week also appears to be Backstory Week in both Marvel and DC land, so LEGGO.

Friday, January 6, 2012

FFF '12

Content Note: Make sure to check out MMA Thriday below!

Welcome to the RETURN of the Friday Film Fiesta! And the first Fiesta of 2012!

No witty intros this week as we had some big movie news take place during the Fiesta's hiatus, and we gotta play catch up!

Three weeks ago (!!!) I asked you if reading information and spoilers about The Dark Knight Rises made you less excited or more excited for the film (which was admittedly inspired by Baddie's rant earlier that week), and you answered that I should no longer make penis jokes with the title again.

Well good day to you guys then.



I SAID GOOD DAY.



-- Box Office News: Our Fearless cWo Leader Tom Cruise OWNS New Years. Sadly we weren't treated to an epic WELPie Nominated Rant
-- Trailer Time: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Dark Knight Rises, Prometheus, Bad Ass, Wrath of the Titans, Return, The Silent House, Thin Ice, and the 84th Academy Awards!
-- In Theaters This Week: The Devil Inside
-- Next Week's Notable DVD Releases: Killer Elite, Moneyball, and What's Your Number? (1/10)

From Glenn, sent via e-mail TWO WEEKS ago:
-- Jurassic Park: The Web Comic
-- A Cool Movie Poster Blog

From Glenn this week:
-- Why did David Fincher make his movies the way he did?
-- Some Dude argues that The Adventures of Tin Tin has surpassed the Uncanny Valley

-- RIP Bob Anderson
-- Screened previews January's slate of films
-- Arrow in the Head also previews Genre Films of 2012
-- What was Redbox's Most Rented DVD of 2011?
-- Speaking of 2011, last year saw movie ticket sales hit a 16 year low. Ouch.
-- The 2012 Writers Guild Awards Screen Nominees have been announced
-- The Lion King Rises!
-- Do you like Alvin and the Chipmunks? Not as much as this guy.
-- The Thing, retold with Claymation Penguins!
-- It will still have Emma Stone, it will still have Emma Stone
-- Danny Trejo is Epic Beard Man?
-- Alan Taylor to direct Thor 2
-- Louis CK: Millionaire and Stand Up Dude
-- Bad, yet hilarious, news for Ghostbusters 3
-- Bridesmaids 2 might happen after all
-- World War ZZZ?
-- MOREible Bosses. Get it?
-- Taylor Swift in a remake of Les Miserables? Yeah I'll be skipping that one.
-- This week in Terrible Star Wars Marketing Ideas: Star Wars Fast Food Burgers. Kinda reminds me of when Spongebob made Pretty Patties. And are those marshmallows on the Yoda Burger?
-- Oh. My. God.
-- It all finally makes sense!

And that brings us to this week's poll.



Which film are you most looking forward to in 2012?
The Dark Knight Rises
The Avengers
The Amazing Spider-Man
The Expendables 2
Twilight
Next Adam Sandler Movie
Other


Thursday, January 5, 2012

Let's Get Comical!

Welcome to the first 2012 edition of Let’s Get Comical!

The holidays have put a strain on my comic reading, so let’s get straight to things! I’ll be reviewing several comics picked up on December 28, as well as Justice League, which I was unable to pick up when it was originally released on December 21.

I also promised reviews of Batwoman and Daredevil, but those will have to wait until next week, which is a lighter load of books. And I need filler material dammit!